Eros: The Vestige of Love

4 years have passed.
Eros is still with me--
the sweetbitter
wanting what you
don't give.

Hanging
      on
        to  
          every
                firtation...

Grasping for every
kind olive branch.

This past year
has been hell;
Eros greeted me
in February--
comes and goes
as she pleases.

I'm swept into silent fury.
You're wearing that ring.
(Maybe I'm just foolishly sad?)
Fury ought to have justification,
shouldn't it?

3 weeks
your sometimes girlfriend is gone.
I remembered the love
that predated Eros;
I pined for possibilities,
and basked in our shared warmth.

5 weeks
she'll be back.
You picked her up,
and later walked in
with that damned ring.
M told me you had a
promise ring I'd never seen before.
I guess it's a secret
you're willing to wear
while smiling in my face.

What am I supposed
to make of the possibilities
you have acknowledged?
What of the future?
The present?
Does the past
even make sense anymore?
So many little lies
and little smiles?

It's not fair
that I should sit here,
writing about you
while you have
that ring on your finger,
days after you say
that your relationship
isn't going anywhere
-has an expiration date.

What of your lies?
When will they expire?
At what point do
I decide to rip myself
inside and out,
banishing Eros
and the folly
of wanting more of you?

All you've given
in this past year
are reasons to be confused,
and hurt
(so deeply it makes
me question whether
I'm seeing anything clearly)...