My Story With Dpression

Well I guess it all really started when I was seven. My dad is in the army and it was his time to serve. I wasn't really close to my mom and my little brother was just barley 2. I was pretty much alone. I started growing up way to fast. My dad came back when I was 8 1/2. I remember thinking he had changed. He wasn't as fun anymore. He wouldn't watch early morning cartoons anymore, he would yell at me if I wasn't doing something right, he was just cold.
By the time 4th grade rolled around my only friend had moved away to another county. This girl Carly and her friends would gang up on me and call me names such as Fatty Madi, whale, ugly, whore, slut, bitch, fucking hoe, cow, pig, retard, idiot, stupid, fat ass, cripple, freak, etc. they would also snort at me like a pig, making mooing noises, they kicked me and pushed me. I didn't tell a teacher. Instead I took a pair of scissors to my skin. It didn't do much so I broke a plastic thing off my moms makeup and used that to scratch my skin. No one knew about it. I did that until about the beginning of 6th grade. That's when it got worse. I was a "bigger" then most the kids. I hated myself. I wouldn't wear anything but jeans and sweatshirts. That's when I saw a thing about "cutting" kids would take a razor blade to their skin to cut it open. So I would go into my dads toolbox and get his razor blades and I used those. I would only do one or two cuts.
   In 7th grade the bullying was worse. Kids would tell me to kill myself and they even brought lighters and tried to burn me. My best friend was gone yet again. I didn't  know what to do with myself. I started cutting more. That winter my friend introduced me to alcohol. I started stealing some from my parent’s liquor cabinet. That started getting boring so I started smoking weed. My mom caught me with all of it. But I didn't stop. It was too much fun. One night I got carried away and let my sisters ex get me some water because I was so drunk. He took me to my sisters room and he and three friends gang raped me. I thought I was going to die that night.  
     My mom thought it would be best to get me in a new school. She found out about a high school that started with 8th grade. I was overly excited. I was a new person. I was happy. My life was finally getting to a good point, but everyone knows that can only last for so long. After the first month of school we had our group. Mikhi, Emma, Bailey, Robert, Tristan, Kala, Cindy, and I. We were loud, annoying, crazy, happy, and popular. At least we thought we were. Once winter started rolling around so did the drama. In November I was starting to get close to this girl Anna. We told each other everything. November 27th she told me in class that she was planning on killing herself. I didn't think anything of it. We had told each other we were both suicidal. 6:00 that night I was doing my homework, I got a text. It was Anna she told me she was dying. I didn't know what to do. I told her to go throw up anything. I wanted her to live she was my best friend. She wouldn't budge. I told our friend Ben. He called the police. And she was safe.
       The next day the group Anna and I hung out with was in shock. Her friend Cindy and I couldn't handle ourselves. We were both broken. That's when I started really starting to self-harm again. It was bad. November 30th my friend Ben gave Cindy and I a painkiller. Someone at school found out and told the dean of students. They had to call my mom. While I was high all my secrets came out. I told the dean I was cutting, suicidal, depressed, that I hated my family and I wanted to run away. Once my mom got to the school she took me to a hospital for people who need treatment. I was admitted to an impatient unit for teens. I had over 300 cuts on my body. I was diagnosed with depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, bulimia, anorexia, and PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder)  
I was released a week later. I was ready to go back to school. I was happy and healthy. I was home for about a week and half when an older person who was a really good supporter killed himself. That's when I relapsed. January 4th my friend Mikhi called an ambulance because I had taken 200 Ibprophen and 7 sleeping pills. They found Marijuana in my system and what not. 4 days later I was admitted to another teen unit but it was a hospital called Salt Lake Behavioral Health Center. I was there for a week they got me on new meds, but I was still depressed. I hated myself for doing this to my parents and friends. So I was home for a week and I thought "why not just end it all now" so I told the rest of my sleeping pills. I don't remember but I guess I told my friend Anna and she told my mom. I got the help I thought I needed. I didn't sled harm for a while. But then I started again. I still haven't stopped but I'm getting their. I will be okay. One day.