mushroom clouds

so everyone thinks its easy  
but it god dam isn't  
   
just don't touch me  
until that disgusting mark  
sucked onto your neck  
by some two cent punk slut  
at the ska show  
is gone for good  
   
because its that time of the year again  
when every mushroom cloud i blow  
just makes me wish  
what is    
was what  
was used to be.  
   
so everyone thinks this is god damn easy  
but it really fucking isn't.  
   
   
just trust me  
when i got home  
i didn't cut myself  
i just scribbled on each page  
of my fashion magazines  
"i want to be pretty"  
until the last one  
i wrote  
"i want to die"  
   
but that's not particularly true  
i just want to be dead.  
   
is this what happens in the summer?  
bound to get far worse    
by september.  
 
no  
you're right  
that mark  
is probably just a battle scar  
 
like the stars on my arm  
and not the ones in ink  
 
but the ones i put in there  
with pink.  
 
aloe brings some relief.