The Kiss Of Death

Can you taste the iron? Do you feel that? I feel poisoned, This taste is growing as I weaken, My body is deteriorating, Years building myself up... For one moment just to give it all up, What the hell, Now my body burns... It gets worse as my stomach turns, When is it my turn to eat? It's been so long, I can't taste or even smell... This curse is crazy, I want help but I don't know how to control myself, Throwing it all up... Every possibility of an escape, I wanted out but now it's too late, Seeing you again I schedule a date for us to meet, Me and you together...The moments which make me feel most complete, My finger nails are changing colours, I continue to chew them still, My anxiety is building up, I must pace back and forth, My heart beats rapid...I can't sit, it's impossible to remain still, These days I embrace the capsules I consume... They provide me with more time, I feel the room expanding, No longer gloomy, whew that was close...I feel much better, Next time ill be...Well I know there will be a next time, But will I be so lucky, Ill just take two more, Oh damn what a mistake... The last thing I remember was hitting the floor, My eyes rolling back, And my tongue...Was so far down my throat, I could taste death, I was sure there was nothing left I could do, My last moments on this floor alone and ashamed, Who will find me... And what will my family think, I gave in to temptation, I know they will be disappointed... Fuck I don't know what my mom will think, I feel so alone, And this night I couldn't be more by myself, To my surprise after passing through the dark, Somehow through the late night, After my confessions with god, I felt a spark regenerating the power in my heart, Clear...Clear... And this piercing light so blinding, I hear voices...Clear...We have a response...He's back, Flashing in and out of consciousness, I could see familiar faces running along my side... Emotions so deep, Love was there, But where was love when I was feeling dejected, I'm lost in the confusion, I can't accept my problems, I think it was me all along... I'm spinning, Everything is spinning, I'm so gone... And as if somebody flipped the light switch, I awaken in this hospital bed, Wet...Sweating, And all I see are the faces, Of those I shut out for so long, The ones I loved, But thought I lost, Because it was me who was gone all along, What happened to time? Yesterday it seemed everything was normal, Now I'm faced with this? I don't know what to call it...Somebody saved me, I was brought back, I see now, I feel now, I'm me now... I won't let any of you down again, I won't ruin my second chance, This still seems surreal at second glance... But I'm grateful...That I'm me again.

-cj