deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Outsider
I am Sisyphus
You, the absurdity of meaning
The boulder and the mountain are
mother, mourning humanity
I am the revolt in the machinery
This struggle shall not
consume me
You, the absurdity of meaning
The boulder and the mountain are
mother, mourning humanity
I am the revolt in the machinery
This struggle shall not
consume me
Published 12th Jun 2013
| Edited 20th Jul 2013
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comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th Jun 2013 11:08pm
<< post removed >>
13th Jun 2013 3:55am
Anonymous
6th Jul 2013 9:16pm
This is a lovely personification of futility. It's concise, and well written. The penultimate and final lines are quite a testament to a strong mettle.
I have a few small suggestions regarding form. Capitalizing every line isn't necessary, and I personally think it detracts from the strength of this piece by making it look misleadingly novitiate. Sisyphus should be capitalized. He was, afterall, the purported founder of Corinth. Grammatically "you" in S1 L2 would be better served by a comma instead of a colon. S1 L5 could be a powerful stand alone bridge between S1 & S2 if you were inclined to add a space between it and L 4.
All just mho, it is a wonderful piece of writing. *On my reading list.*
I have a few small suggestions regarding form. Capitalizing every line isn't necessary, and I personally think it detracts from the strength of this piece by making it look misleadingly novitiate. Sisyphus should be capitalized. He was, afterall, the purported founder of Corinth. Grammatically "you" in S1 L2 would be better served by a comma instead of a colon. S1 L5 could be a powerful stand alone bridge between S1 & S2 if you were inclined to add a space between it and L 4.
All just mho, it is a wonderful piece of writing. *On my reading list.*
