Journey to Love

Knitted~ looped and twisted into daunting mountains of tightly
     wrapped mental rope-
Unraveling~ yet still- the edges fraying faster and faster the  
     harder I try to cope.
Increas[i]ing[/i]~ the heartache- mounting more and more with the bend
     of every turn-
Decreasing~ what there is of me- I thought I knew more, yet there
     is more than an eternity still to learn.
Standing~ in my own way, unable to go around self so that I can
     find the path leading to tomorrow-
Falling~ down the, opposite of the up, making me to claw harder
     to stop me from sliding further below.
Finding~ more needs, far in excess of what little I have, wanting  
     more than is offered me-
Losing~ a vast majority of the direction I've gained- by taking
     too many wrong turns and detours; easily not seen.
Lying~ about the happiness that forces a my lips into an unsure,  
     impossibly thin, half-hearted smile-
Honestly~ feeling the cracks in the facade that allow tears to  
     trickle down and puddle on the tile
Blinded~ by the unexpected realization that, alas, I am left to        
     go on....utterly and completely alone-
Seeing~ the treachery of the potential fall that will result from  
     being drafted to a war I'll never win on my own.
Hearing~ the sound of dropped wishes, smashed hopes, and sweet      
     dreams turned bitter from nightmares
Deafened~ by too many heart broken cries that escaped the souls
     of the those bound together by those who didn't care  
Remembering~ the diamonds that were promised, was fool's gold  
     that seemed as real as fake and as true as lie    
Forgetting~ that it takes more to achieve...yearning comes easy..  
     it's the satisfaction that is hard to come by
[i]Leading[/i]~ myself - deaf by blind, foot in mouth, brawn over brain
     hoping to find renewal before the future can expire
Following~ wrong directions from a lost guide that gave up his    
     free pass so he could find the curse of desire
Risk~ is hard to count when you're bankrupt and yet still have
     an impossible balance due  
Reward~ a retreat~ that holds precious gems of minutes and ever
     more coveted memories that are owed to you  
The search for contentment is long and hard, but more than worth  
     the heartache and pain you learned before
Make it to the top of the peaks, down the valleys, all over hell  
     and back - again and again.... and then once more....
Patience, perseverance, strength, heart, compassion, tolerance,
     forgiveness, unwavering, careful, wise, safety, security,  
     happiness, more than before and better than the rest
The traits you seek in your mate are what we all learn on this  
     odyssey, each in turn- then together you will discover the  
     reason for being... immense, priceless, unfathomable...
             surely its more than worth the hell of the quest