First DUP Poem

You Are Not Indispensable.

I got tired of giving love,
Exhausted, of feeling
That I don’t deserve anything,
This time, I will be save for me,
Me, is the one that I´ll kiss,
I will make love to myself,
Me, is the one that I will hug.
 
 
I will tell my ears all my plans,
Just my hands will caress my hair,
Sweet words that I like to hear,
Only my lips will tell,
I will dream with myself,
I will only give my life to myself,
I will desire to be with myself,
 
 
I’m going to fight for me,
I’m going to Smile to me
I’m going to take care of me,
I’ll wake up for me,
And, I will want to see me
I will give it all for me, no one will
Make me happy other than me.
 
 
I won’t complain of been lonely,
I will be with my self,
I will call myself, I will be
My own company to go to the movies,
I will message myself,
I will look myself into my eyes,
And I will tell me how important I am.
 
Myself, to myself, with myself…

Love???

Love

As our paths crossed like so many times before
We smiled and spoke with a quick stare
I felt something inside of me I could no longer control

Love

Is this love I’m feeling? I don’t know
I dream of her, I long for her, I need her by my side
I'm scared to stop and tell her because of my foolish pride
What will she say to this manifestation I feel?
She may answer me with, you don’t know what love is
How would I enlighten her to these feeling I have deep inside?

My reply would simply be,

Love to me is deep, intense, and unending like a clear blue sky
Love is electrifying to the greatest depths of my soul
Love is versatility and complexity mixed up in one bowl
Love comes unexpectedly and is unique in every way
Love is like a spear to the heart, makes you gasp for air
Love is what I feel for you with just that sexy stare
These are the things I want to share with you till I take my last breath
 
That’s what I would say

In the end what do I think love is???

Cruel, because I never spoke a word and watched her walk away

"of Feathers and Fantasy"

tickle me tenderly tonight
when I fall asleep so deep
wrap yourself around my heart
tie me to your sultry soul
bind my hands behind your back
and yours around my neck
don't let me take, don't let me fake
make me submit to your fiery will
your fingers feather touch will tease
and if you please turn them round
to sharply show you're in control
of my bleeding and my pain
knowing that the time will come
when pleasure cries the rain
when thunder cracks its whip
four stampeding legs ablaze
ten claws embrace one curvature
the race creates a lions roar
as climax escapes its broken cage
two fantasies collapse
if king and queen fall to dream
which one will rise to reign?


jj

Rain, rain come my way wash away all the pain, make me new, make me fresh, make me the kind of person you’ll never want to forget, kissed by the rain that crashes on my face, swimming with the tears that blend in with the rain. The thunder rolls making my screams unheard, the anger of the lighting burns like the fire within my soul.

Dealer of the Unwanted



when she walked in
I saw the pain dripping from her fingers like
wax
falling off of her like some
burnt up figment of who she
hoped to be
15 years earlier.
feet dragging as she walked across
tile: littered with left over dreams
with a clearance tag marked
over the stars that fell.
when she sold her clock
and gave
up on wishing at eleven eleven.
because words sell for less than
it takes to fly, she said.
so in the presence of ghosts

her skin was more wrinkled than the sheets
she found herself at home
in.
when home. it had no place.

then, I felt
her
feet kicking up returned hopes
and heartaches sold for a pack of
smokes. and she walked
with a sense of self loathing.
I wanted
to break television sets in her name
when I saw the way her eyes
played static vision
and her arms looked like race tracks.

she stood with a steady ambition.
knees on ice, it seemed. wearing
verbs around her neck
like a noose, she seemed ready to fall

like the stars.
when she used to sit on sand and wish at the ocean
counting breaks between songs like the waves
when hurting made
life
bearable.
so she stood there
like a cardboard cutout
of herself in 12 years.
ready to age, but so unwilling to fold.

and when she spoke
I felt trapped in a box of my past.
and she said
"look here, boy, I ain't what you see"
and
I said,
"ma'am, I don't see a thing"
she broke into heart songs
by tapping morse code
on the counter top.
I heard the distress
call
so I sold her vanity in paper form.
for a bit of something
lacking substance.
and I told her here.
I only deal in broken
dreams.
and she told me
she only lives to break them.


so if you were to ask
if she melted like a candle under the
heat of
a raging horse.
I could safely say
I don't know.
I never knew her when she was able to stand.
I never felt her
presence
without the impending sense of
neglect.

no.
I simply knew her in horror movies
when she treated
dreams like mirrors.
and her eyes.
closed. they shattered
to the ground.

The Worst Days

The mornings are the worst in the morning.
The muffled silence of the empty house.
The bleak prospect of the coming day.
The breakfast of oatmeal for one.

The afternoons are the worst in the afternoon.
The depressing lack of motivation.
The need for some sort of distraction.
The lunch of something leftover for one.

The evenings are the worst in the evening.
The solitude of another day closing in.
The oppressive feeling of loss.
The preparation of dinner for one.

The nighttime is the worst in the nighttime.
The despair of wondering how it all went wrong.
The necessary trick of reading until nodding off.
The lonely sadness of a bed for one.

Warmth

Sitting with you
next to the oven
feeling the warmth
of you

Holding your hand,
feeling you near me,
hearing your heartbeat,
slowly
fading

lights

Silence

Sitting here with you
again and again
holding your hand
cold

sadness is killing
killing is sadness
hearing no heartbeat
feeling no warmth
of you