Fictional Prose Seeking Honest Critique
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Short stories and chapters from books and novels
Honest critique has been requested for these poems. Want to learn the art of critique? Join our Honestly Crafted Critique group.
My first job as the undertakers assistant
The firm was called Graves Brothers and stood just off the High St in Bury St Edmunds,
three immaculatly polished Mecedes Benz estates with extended wheel bases stood in a nearby yard. A horse drawn hearse was housed in a small barn, a black cob was hired from a local stables to pull it when required. As a junior partner, I was transport manager but for some unfathamable reason I was knicknamed CD, generaly considered back room staff, "Dont you go skipping off CD we need two cars by 10am, Mr Graves Snr quiped. Not allowed to meet the grieving relatives, just told to nod and look...
three immaculatly polished Mecedes Benz estates with extended wheel bases stood in a nearby yard. A horse drawn hearse was housed in a small barn, a black cob was hired from a local stables to pull it when required. As a junior partner, I was transport manager but for some unfathamable reason I was knicknamed CD, generaly considered back room staff, "Dont you go skipping off CD we need two cars by 10am, Mr Graves Snr quiped. Not allowed to meet the grieving relatives, just told to nod and look...
#death
98 reads
3 Comments
Any Weather
Do I like better the sun?
Or do I prefer rain?
Do I prefer the sound of rain?
As it erases all my pain.
Do I prefer the sun?
Because I don't feel the need to run.
Do I like better sunny weather?
Or do I prefer any weather whatsoever?
Do I prefer drops of rain.
That dry and don't leave a stain.
The ones,that heal and soothe the soul.
Clean you when you feel foul.
The sun shines upon your face.
And looks at you in shiny grace.
While the rain caresses your face.
Rain dripping in its own...
Or do I prefer rain?
Do I prefer the sound of rain?
As it erases all my pain.
Do I prefer the sun?
Because I don't feel the need to run.
Do I like better sunny weather?
Or do I prefer any weather whatsoever?
Do I prefer drops of rain.
That dry and don't leave a stain.
The ones,that heal and soothe the soul.
Clean you when you feel foul.
The sun shines upon your face.
And looks at you in shiny grace.
While the rain caresses your face.
Rain dripping in its own...
#moon
#rain
#sun #universe
#sun #universe
105 reads
2 Comments
Psycho Crazii
My mind is screaming at me
Each and every day
Do this.... do that
I want to rock back and forth
Having to take prescribed medication just to numb out the crazii
Voices ever so clear
Spirits walking around my apartment
Psycho crazii is all I am
Psycho crazii is all I'll ever be
Voices and thoughts, thoughts and voices
Who am I?
Thoughts of suicide to numb out the Voices
Voices to numb out the thoughts
Psycho crazii
Each and every day
Do this.... do that
I want to rock back and forth
Having to take prescribed medication just to numb out the crazii
Voices ever so clear
Spirits walking around my apartment
Psycho crazii is all I am
Psycho crazii is all I'll ever be
Voices and thoughts, thoughts and voices
Who am I?
Thoughts of suicide to numb out the Voices
Voices to numb out the thoughts
Psycho crazii
#fear
#frustration
#hate
#loneliness
#sadness
120 reads
3 Comments
DUP Mafia Romance Finale
Bethany
Since leaving Frank's office, I've felt a little unnerved. He knew I didn't want the money. Was it that obvious? But am I that person who can share her man? He made it loud and clear that he doesn't want a relationship in the sense of monogamy.
He also showed his cards that he wanted something I'd never given to any other man. Is Frank that's special that I will give my virgin ass to?
“Bethany girl, are you OK?” One of the backup singers asked.
I smiled at her and just nodded because whether I liked it or not, this is my career, and the show...
Since leaving Frank's office, I've felt a little unnerved. He knew I didn't want the money. Was it that obvious? But am I that person who can share her man? He made it loud and clear that he doesn't want a relationship in the sense of monogamy.
He also showed his cards that he wanted something I'd never given to any other man. Is Frank that's special that I will give my virgin ass to?
“Bethany girl, are you OK?” One of the backup singers asked.
I smiled at her and just nodded because whether I liked it or not, this is my career, and the show...
#anger
#courage
#dark
#frustration
#happiness
54 reads
18 Comments
DUP Mafia UPDATE
There has been such a buildup to what is in store for the DUP Mafia. Weak of heart, take your pills. It will soon be posted.
Note: It is Friday, so the freak in me is coming out.
Places everyone.
Hope to see you
Note: It is Friday, so the freak in me is coming out.
Places everyone.
Hope to see you
#happiness
38 reads
11 Comments
A Steed From Nowhere
The dim yellow light in the kitchen flickers with an erratic and unearthly dance, casting elongated shadows that writhe and twist with unnatural animation. The fire's uncertain glow only deepens the oppressive atmosphere, magnifying the dark, malignant presence that lingers just beyond the threshold of perception. The cigarette smolders in the ashtray, its tendrils of smoke curling upwards as if bearing the heavy weight of the detective’s dread and despair.
The kitchen, once a refuge of warmth and familiarity, now exudes an air of suffocating malevolence. The peeling floral wallpaper,...
The kitchen, once a refuge of warmth and familiarity, now exudes an air of suffocating malevolence. The peeling floral wallpaper,...
#curse
#dark
#magic
#narrative
#shadows
82 reads
1 Comment
Halloween
And when spooky month is near.
We dress in costumes and produce fear.
We wear costumes,special gear.
To chase all the bad spirits away.
In order to collect as much candy as possible.
Knocking on the door,walking down the path.
We collect candy,a sweet delight.
Whether you are dressed as a vampire.
Or if you are dressed as a monster.
An egyptian mummy, makes people run faster.
In this town we call home.
Let's all sing along to the pumpkin song.
Jack'o'lanterns, orange and green.
With a light,a...
We dress in costumes and produce fear.
We wear costumes,special gear.
To chase all the bad spirits away.
In order to collect as much candy as possible.
Knocking on the door,walking down the path.
We collect candy,a sweet delight.
Whether you are dressed as a vampire.
Or if you are dressed as a monster.
An egyptian mummy, makes people run faster.
In this town we call home.
Let's all sing along to the pumpkin song.
Jack'o'lanterns, orange and green.
With a light,a...
#Halloween
#holiday
#inspirational #motivational
#inspirational #motivational
100 reads
0 Comments
Saving Alice
I’m lost,
And at what cost
Did I lose my way?
I went down a rabbit hole
Full of hope
I drank the vial when I was told
And it made me somewhat bold
I awoke
Tired than I ever was before
Ate the cake
Just to appear fake
Oh Mad Hatter, won’t you save me?
From my sanity
My madness locked in a cage
Controlled
Waiting to be set free
Only to find out it was all a dream
And at what cost
Did I lose my way?
I went down a rabbit hole
Full of hope
I drank the vial when I was told
And it made me somewhat bold
I awoke
Tired than I ever was before
Ate the cake
Just to appear fake
Oh Mad Hatter, won’t you save me?
From my sanity
My madness locked in a cage
Controlled
Waiting to be set free
Only to find out it was all a dream
#emotions
56 reads
1 Comment
Round Trip
One round trip, please”
“That’ll be sixteen”
The night is young
I feel the warm breeze
I want to dance
The music played
And he whispered
Softly
“You look like starlight”
That was love at first sight
The boat continued on
Playing the same song
Ready for wine
I smiled and thanked the kind man
But I had other plans
“That’ll be sixteen”
The night is young
I feel the warm breeze
I want to dance
The music played
And he whispered
Softly
“You look like starlight”
That was love at first sight
The boat continued on
Playing the same song
Ready for wine
I smiled and thanked the kind man
But I had other plans
#admiration
#beauty
73 reads
1 Comment
Buzz Of The Bee
You were at a picnic,dressed in lace.
In this magical,nature place.
The melody of the buzzing bees.
And green,evergreen trees.
The bees buzzed,and the clouds unite.
Picnic on this field and watching the stars at night.
The sound of them buzzing,fuzzes in your head.
It keeps on blurring the negative thoughts in your head.
I wonder,is that sound fallen from grace?
Or is it from an entirely different place?
Is it from an entirely different race?
Or is that a smile on your face?
I have so many regrets.
But...
In this magical,nature place.
The melody of the buzzing bees.
And green,evergreen trees.
The bees buzzed,and the clouds unite.
Picnic on this field and watching the stars at night.
The sound of them buzzing,fuzzes in your head.
It keeps on blurring the negative thoughts in your head.
I wonder,is that sound fallen from grace?
Or is it from an entirely different place?
Is it from an entirely different race?
Or is that a smile on your face?
I have so many regrets.
But...
#flowers
#LifeCycle
#nature
71 reads
0 Comments
Garden Of Healing
I really like the colors.
Of shiny,gold flowers.
When it's spring they come alive.
They bloom,facing the sun and thrive.
Like the magical daises.
Or my favorite red roses.
Like sunflowers.
And the cycle repeats,decomposes.
A new one grows from a seed.
And grows into a good deed.
I really like the color and hue.
Of red roses,pink and blue.
With their magical,mystical scent.
Wonders of nature ascend.
And the way it wraps around your wrist.
Growing from a seed.
Every spring,you do a good...
Of shiny,gold flowers.
When it's spring they come alive.
They bloom,facing the sun and thrive.
Like the magical daises.
Or my favorite red roses.
Like sunflowers.
And the cycle repeats,decomposes.
A new one grows from a seed.
And grows into a good deed.
I really like the color and hue.
Of red roses,pink and blue.
With their magical,mystical scent.
Wonders of nature ascend.
And the way it wraps around your wrist.
Growing from a seed.
Every spring,you do a good...
#hope
#inspirational
#motivational
#strength
#TimeHeals
67 reads
0 Comments
DUP Mafia Romance part 4 (all star cast)
Prometheus
I hate going into crowded places, but I love getting paid. Once I deliver this message, it will be worth a sizable amount. Frank, I have to approach him very carefully. From my understanding, his temperament has gotten a little bit out of pocket.
When it comes to business, I never go in through the front door. I gave the customary nod to the guard standing there and told him, " Tell Frank, the messenger is here.”
The guard knew precisely who I was the minute I gave that message. I stood out there no less than two minutes...
I hate going into crowded places, but I love getting paid. Once I deliver this message, it will be worth a sizable amount. Frank, I have to approach him very carefully. From my understanding, his temperament has gotten a little bit out of pocket.
When it comes to business, I never go in through the front door. I gave the customary nod to the guard standing there and told him, " Tell Frank, the messenger is here.”
The guard knew precisely who I was the minute I gave that message. I stood out there no less than two minutes...
#anger
#confusion
#dark
#dialogue
#emotions
68 reads
12 Comments
DU Poetry : Fictional Prose Seeking Critique: Short Stories and Chapters from Books and Novels (Page 6)