Over the years, I lost count of how many relationships I sabotaged because my heart & mind was occupied by you, and the carnage is still palpable as I cradle the grief & loss of never holding you whilst clinging to the words that bound us together as if they were a life raft as we navigated the uncharted seas within one another.
You can’t possibly fathom the situation unless you’ve tasted the depth of such a love, and lived with the ache of never quite being able to nourish it until it blossoms into something even more beautiful.
Sometimes you lose someone before they’re gone. Sometimes you only really see them as they’re passing. Sometimes you miss the simplicity of strong arms lifting a little child or that sandpaper touch of a scruffy bedtime nuzzle. Sometimes all the memories, good and bad, start to fade ‘Til all that’s left is a blurry feeling, a desire not to lose any more. Sometimes what we miss most is the idea of who might have been.
All nights are bad, though some worse than others. I can’t sleep. The seconds and minutes pass in silence. I long for winter. For the damp and cold and rain and wind. Snow and sleet and frost. The summer heat is suffocating, reminding me of that other summer twenty years ago.
Tonight, I see them; not only Dawn, but her sister as well, both fair skinned like their mother, hair the colour of hay. The girls hurry along the lane above the coast, sandals scraping on tarmac in the July heat. Ahead of them lies the sea, the tide out, water...