I wonder what's its like without PTSD. Is it calmer? Are there less shadows or are they just different ones? Can you walk down the street without peering over your shoulder at every sound? Waiting until he shows his face to you and finish what was started. Do you live without thinking of all the ways someone could attack you. How no one would help you.I suppose I will likely never know. Unable to shake off the constant sludge of this disease and walking through life desperately pretending to not see the darkness in your eyes every time you pass a mirror. Maybe I'll ask my dad
I want to be All of the things That I am not I hate me I want to cut me I want to kill me Dead And then I want to wake up Wake the fuck up And get on With my life The way that I want to Fuck it all Bury it all I want it all To fucking end Give me more Than I ask for Please give me A reason to live When the choices I make Are validly fake I presume It’s not worth it Kill me I say And go on my way A new me shall arise Before thee
From the words of a broken heart I have to say I haven't seen the light for a day I do not want to anyway It won't ever agree with me But I will try to Between the nights I have to agree, even so The night is tied Look around you What do you see? Stars are falling in and out of time It's a journey to no man's land Back to reality, breaker of illusions I have to say People are always saying things they shouldn't say Put it away; Hide it away; and don't show it
He cries in darkness. Misunderstood by the world. No power, to share what is in his soul. Misunderstood, abandoned and lonely, he lives the life of a recluse.
'Loved' by his partner, just not completely. Never enough. She does not know the voices of his soul. The nagging dissatisfaction. The sadness. He does not feel complete, despite the love she tries to give him.
He tried to ignore. Pretending it doesn't exist, the screams of his heart. But walking away is not possible, walking away from oneself, nobody can.