secrets

It was sudden really,  
the mood coming over me,  
as it ought to be.  
Listenin' to Bob Dylan, and sippin' tequila on the rocks while I cooked  
late night  
a gourmet meal for us and a friend.  
 
Though only a few feet away  
distance and quietness and carefulness,  
pain and loss of innocence between us.  
Perhaps the true crossing of the threshold  
from bride and groom  
to husband and wife.  
 
Bonded by the music that has been there with us and for us
through all the ages of our lives.  
Mutually known and loved and needed  
long before each other.  
 
This Easter, our first, I have learned  
that holy matrimony is much bigger, vastly  
more complex, forgiving and frightening  
than I knew.  
 
Then Jerry comes on  
and touches me like a sting and soothing balm  
and I feel such a longing torment-  
abundant gratitude and privacy inside my heart  
that I realize  
 
his deceptions  
are a bloody  
gift.  
 
They have brought poetry  
into our marriage, and given it  
it's own proper place.  
 
For I too  
have my secrets.