Dead Affections

If there was a time  
where I could have forgotten you  
I would have taken that chance  
and ran with it  
leaving you behind without a second thought  
so I could escape the guilt I feel  
 
But now it seems as if I will never escape  
these binds that hold me down  
that you yourself  
didn't even know you cast  
it's not your fault that I am stuck here  
yet, it is, if that makes sense?  
 
These affections have not entirely run their course  
but my passion has curdled and dried  
flaking away day by day  
leaving me in a tasteless state of longing  
I wish it was you I could long for again  
But instead it is him  
 
I just want you to know I love you  
in the way that a captive comes to love their capture-er  
Stockholm's syndrome at it's sweetest  
your steady companionship  
keeping me on my feet all these years  
yet now my feet need to wander  
 
Away from you, away from this life  
constantly searching for something new to inspire me  
my soul has been crushed by captivity  
and I am only a shadow lingering behind  
reminiscing of my grander days  
perhaps those days are not yet dead  
 
Who knows? I don't, not yet  
so I have to go and see for myself  
you can no longer hold my hand  
and be by my side to guide me in a cursed direction  
I need to be free, and I think you do too  
You don't realize it yet  
but all this time, I have been bad for you  
 
So here are my goodbyes  
and my regrets that we couldn't stand the test of time  
that my heart has shrunken away from your touch  
after all these years of 'we'  
Well, there is no we anymore  
is what I am trying to say to you now  
from this day forth  
it is just going to be 'I'