deepundergroundpoetry.com
BOW YOUR HEAD AND CRY
Bow our heads and cry
Because we have lost our way
Too much children
Dying everyday
Wasted lives
Our hearts should ache with the pain
The lost is too great
How are we going to get back?
What we have lost
Gone before they lived
Stuck in confusion
Babylon poison
What is lives lesson?
New generation
No elder teachings
Hang our head in shame
Not equipped with reality
Of this negative captivity
Brain washed before birth
This is not their world
Not their true path on this earth
True life message not heard
No one speaks the word of JAH
Convince ourselves
That the blame is only theirs
What have we instilled?
In them
What hope?
What belief
To protect them from
Negative words
Brother love no longer exsist
Hate for each other
Flows deep
We may as well wear the white sheet
Enemy to ourselves
Internal destruction
Our own obstruction
Doing the dirty deeds for them
Allow them to just sit back
We don’t even
Help ourselves
Too few know the
True teachings
And even less want to know
We make no demands
Just accept that they
Have our blood on their hands
Our own hands now drip
With the same
Ignorance breeds hate
We can no longer just
Bow our heads and cry
Published 31st Mar 2013
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31st Mar 2013 1:50pm
I hear you and feel your pain. One day it will be JAH'S way. Until then, we live in the mire created for us by our ancestors and our own lack of restraints. JAH will look deep within us. hopefully he will see something good in us. Thank you for sharing your write
31st Mar 2013 2:20pm
This starts off with some promise, granted it turns in to a rather repetitive, heard it all before effort, but lets not focus on that. It needs a tidy, and could afford to have a lot cut.
The opening two lines are damn good, and the rest of the poem should be sharpened to reduce the landslide effect that this has.
The opening two lines are damn good, and the rest of the poem should be sharpened to reduce the landslide effect that this has.
31st Mar 2013 2:36pm
What you call repetitive I call getting a important point accross to the black youth..
31st Mar 2013 3:23pm
That's one way to take the critique you ask for. This is the point where most would just say 'fuck it,' but I shall endeveaour to stay with it. A point is not put across with repetition it is put across with precision.
That aside, as I said, a tidy up would definitely help the piece. 'To much children' should be 'Too many children.' 'The lost is too great' should be 'the loss is too great.' Stick with it and work with it, as I said... You have something here.
That aside, as I said, a tidy up would definitely help the piece. 'To much children' should be 'Too many children.' 'The lost is too great' should be 'the loss is too great.' Stick with it and work with it, as I said... You have something here.
31st Mar 2013 4:17pm
Black, white, whatever. All Youth could do well with your great message. Panama Jack is actually trying to help you get your message across in a more articulate way. We do that here. Help each other. No one means offense. Just people helping each other out. Constructive critisism. He made some valid points.
31st Mar 2013 4:58pm
I accept his points..and it is a black thing, not whatever..I live in England and I am a mother ..and the killing in the black community(young black men)at present has got so bad..who feels it knows it..
31st Mar 2013 10:25pm
My apologies. When I read your poem I wasn't aware it was directed to any particular color of people. The world is falling to shit for all races and I felt your angst and message could benefit all children of the world equally. None the less, I will bow my head and cry for all children. Thank you for the thought inspiring words.
31st Mar 2013 10:47pm
31st Mar 2013 10:50pm
1st Apr 2013 12:46pm
The critiism of your excessive verbage applies to many poets on DUP; however we need to be our sternest critics.As a rule Itry to avoud simile the definate article 'and' 'so''Then' 'but' which means that when I use these they have extra wieght. Repetition can useful . .think of jazz and much of Beethoven.However keep on writing its the only way to learn to be YOURSELF
1st Apr 2013 12:49pm
23rd Apr 2013 11:52pm
Yet Again Powerful Ink! I give less than a Damn about the gramatical errors others are speaking of
The POINT in this Poem Is to WAKE UP OUr YOUth NEED US! and this poem shares your sentiments very clearly! Bravo! Job WELL DONE
SPeak the TRUTH SISTAH
The POINT in this Poem Is to WAKE UP OUr YOUth NEED US! and this poem shares your sentiments very clearly! Bravo! Job WELL DONE
SPeak the TRUTH SISTAH
24th Apr 2013 4:16pm
