This Mind

Is the eternity locked out of life,
i kneel in front of dreams,
of which none can come true,
craving so desperately to be happy finally,
we can not always have what we want,
but it somehow occured that in my case,
it is more often than always,
the first one of the three things i have ever got,
is the ability to dream the life, not to live the dream,
where is the point of keeping fighting...
I have prayed to gods that i do not even believe in,
the life is the only God i can cling to,
still i have never found haven for my passion i keep for life,
never felt the thing they call real happiness,
though i smiled and laughed like crazy man,
those days seem buried somehow under leaves of trees admired once...
Second, my mind, that i still keep reminded that life is easy,
if there is someone to hold you upon fate of dying,
i don't believe in hatred and evil shading the world as we know it,
but the goodness and love that we all have, somewhere...
sometimes i wonder if i can survive in this empire of pain,
or should i just run and hide somewhere in light of loneliness,
to prevent this heart from harm, love carries vulnerability,
life carries fight...
For the third, i fear the most to loose,
not just a friendship as branch you can break with two hands,
yeah, i admit maybe a tree that would take fucking sharp axe to cut,
axe, that i have already felt cutting through, but even more painfully,
cuz it came from the inside, still the scar keeps me reminded,
of what we passed together in such a small period of time,
however this bond still can be reforged to be stronger,
i have never felt anything like that chained in my mind,
and in my heart, both ways never before combined,
now, after long time, i can feel the loneliness weakening,
sooner or later, prepared to die, but knowing,
how easily could she just like phoenix rise from ashes,
it scares me to death,
i can not change the way how things will flow,
only hope that life won't be cruel enough,
to take away the most valued friend of mine,
but from what i have tasted of life,
i would not wonder if this fear would knock on my door someday,
i just can hope for that day to never come alive...
man, sometimes i think how poor i am,
but then i see that treasure laying in my heart,
with words on lips, fuck your money ! I have LOVE !

*Note: Not really sure if this carries overall meaning, rather then more meanings in the lines, just thoughts i needed to express somehow. + Large part dedicated to the very best friend of mine :-), please do not laugh ;-)