To whom?

This poem is about wanting out and wanting in...
 
It's nothing I considered  
Before the other day  
Wandering in the nighttime  
Looking for my way.  
   
I see you sitting over there,  
Away from me your gaze,  
Forgetting what I wanted,  
Plodding through your days.  
   
Yes, I said forever,  
I said I'd never leave.  
The Promise of a lifetime  
I wanted to believe.  
   
But in the chasm it crept in,  
Taking me along,  
An impulse to be unowned,  
The world would say its wrong.  
   
To crave a kiss untested  
And feel the violet heat.  
And be seen afters years of waiting  
Invisible and incomplete.  
   
My life force make the rules now  
And wills me to submit  
To a man who saw beyond my "status"    
And charmed me with his wit.  
   
I'm sorry and I'm not you see  
Because no longer do I feel  
That a forever man can be my all  
And a marriage construct real.  
   
So only one question now remains  
As I curl up here and write:  
Do I tell you what I really feel?  
Should I initiate this fight?  
   
To whom do I belong now?  
Who will decide for me?  
Can I not just be myself    
And let whatever may come just be?  
   
Still I'm frozen in this place  
Because I just can't stand to see  
Anyone I've cared about  
In pain or agony.  
   
I know you love me and try so hard  
To give me what I need  
But you'll only be successful  
If you smile and say I'm freed.