Anger turned into sorrow

Venom envelopes your words
It's all my fault, I'm the one that is broken
I have done so many things
I can't believe you have so much power
Holding back from just murdering me
Letting me be consumed by the earth
Covering me in a blanket I deserve, one of suffering
 
I was just looking at old pictures
At least we once appeared happy
These pictures are now scattered
Proof of a bond gone askew
 
Pictures become fuzzy memories, I collect them in the abyss inside of me
Out of focus, our old relationship
The love sisters share is dead and gone
I don't even have to question it
I already know what went wrong
 
I don't think we will ever be the same
Their is no path that returns us to before
Forever stuck here both of us, hating and hurting
It goes around violently in a circle
 
A circle of blame, fits tightly around my frame
A halo of regret and remorse , floats above my head
I'm so tired, I wish we could put this to bed
 
I can't say sorry, said it too many times
Now it's just 5 letters forming a line
Honestly, before it was all a lie
I smothered its value, muffling its cry
Now no matter how hard I try, I get denied
You may not believe it but, I candidly empathise
 
All this weight, I carry it on my shoulders
Boulders of regret
Getting wet from the acid rain
Acid that comes from the evil cloud, on it is my name
Either way, I miss you and wish you well
I understand that you may never be able to feel the same
 
I created this storm
Stirring up dust, laced in my shame
Angrily bestowing lighting bolts of pain
Agony whips around me in the form of wind
The tension in the air congeals, getting thicker
And the hail, it stays inside of me
Bruising my heart just like it ought to be
A branch,  debris impales me
As I fall to the ground, I wish silently that I had some shelter
I don't and that is because I selfishly ruined everybody in the family
All I could do was think of me
 
I hope this storm will pass
I will continue to change
I'm still looking for that Ashley
Searching through my past
Trying to grab that happy little girl
The one I was before
Before those predators took me as their prey
I am struggling to bring her to the present day
To catch her up, mold her into a pretty shape
What they took I can't regain
I'm picking up my pieces, washing off the stains
I hope you don't think this is written to inspire pity for me
In reality these are words you will probably never see
 
I know there is a fire inside of you
It burns brighter than it ever used to
Sometimes your flames of hatred rightfully lick my body
As they cast marks on me, it's just a reminder
That fire is because of me
Once again, I stand up and plead guilty
 
I try not to show it, to act strong
It's a charade
Like our fighting and your resentment isn't effecting me
At the end of the day, I love you, always.
I understand this may be something I will never again here you say
For that, I accept responsibility



©2013 Miss Morbid