Fearsome Love

I remember when you were the breath in my chest
& The blood pumping through my veins
I still remember the night I could not rest
Waking up to a world of heartache and pain
Girl we went from in love and inseparable
To so distant and oh so far
A timeline full of moments that are memorable
To my bruised heart with a scar
Darkness has consumed my heart
It has become a bearer of sin
If I would have known from the start
I wouldn't have let the lust win
But the lust led to love
The love leading to commitment
I gave you so much trust
Yet I was blinded by the vision
Blinded by the vision and hope of what people call love
Mine as well pour your all into her

There was a time in my life when you were my everything
You held my entire essence in the palm of your hand
& in a moments notice, unbeknownst to me
You squeezed real tight, crushing a good man

I cherished your lips, and the soft kisses they brought
I loved your eyes, beautiful enough for me to get lost
Every hug made me feel like a protector to the one I loved
Everything we did, made me fall even deeper, down to each touch
Then on that day, when the sun shined just as bright as my passion and love for you
Awakening from my slumber, just for moments shortly after to hear, "I'm breaking up with you"

...
......
.....
.........
...

In that fraction of second, I felt something inside me snap, I felt it break
People would assume it was my heart, but I know for sure, I made no mistake
You stabbed my spirit in the back, and snapped the handle off for your keeping
I acted as if nothing was wrong, but I felt inside, my spirit was depleting and hardly breathing
Left to die in the agony and anguish of your decision, lying in a puddle of blood hoping to be revived
My soul, and my mind patched him up the best they could, I mean they really tried
Let's get his mind off of her, maybe some new meat will suffice
Attached my soul to two more people, and I still felt empty...nice...
Sex obviously wasn't the key, and neither was self hatred and moping
Until one day, I realized, I can't be scared to love again, Love is something to have hope in

A great amount of time has passed, and all seems well, focus has been regained
A new foundation has been built, and a new mindset attained
My spirit, happy, enjoying life with a knife stuck in its back, but bandaged over and left to heal
Then she waltzes right back into my life, the knife handle in hand, thinking maybe this time she'll go for the kill
Old feelings & past emotions rush over me like a tidal wave
Scared I never know what to say...

Until she breaks the ice, confessing her true feelings and thoughts
Drawing me in again, in her trap I've been caught
She knows what buttons to push, she knows what things to say
& I wonder if everything I'm thinking is obvious on my face
& just like that our lips meet once again, almost a year of pent up emotion, missing her, missing her lips...
.....
Rushes
.....
Back
.....
In Like
.....
A gallon of water trying to fit into an 8 ounce glass
Or a huge shit, trying to squeeze back into your ass

.....
Overwhelming it was
.....

Just like that, she pulls the knife handle out, and horrible memories resurface
Approaching my spirit with a kind hug, she reattaches the handle, and pulls out the blade
That split second of fear, that she was going to push the blade deeper
Was nullified, when the blade in my spirit was removed
The scar remains, and the love remains...... but so does that fear
That fear that she'll come back again with a bigger blade
A sharper blade, ready to finish off what she started
Will almost always linger

Am I foolish to rather live with fearsome love, then no love at all?