Holding On

you left me your words
which penetrated my heart
and shattered it
into tiny fragments
making my eyes water
from the sting of it.
i understand
these things do happen
that life can be this hard
emotions so overwhelming
there is no place for them.
i try not to think or feel
but, i feel more than ever
and it is unbearably painful
to have loved so hard
and given you everything i am
so fully, without question
to trust,
to love,
to be
all and more.
but, the holding on
is becoming more painful
than letting go
and i am
in constant mourning
of us.
even my tears
cause me pain
they sting and burn
at the seams of who i am
and i am afraid
to let them fall,
that i will suddenly
disappear
into this swollen river
and drown in
my own despair.