Year After Year

This year        
I took a moment to remember how I knew you      
Stifling stillness      
Parking lot      
Cold french fries        
Thinking to myself        
Of how alone this day really is      
       
Every year I'm alone      
Every time      
Ever since I met you it's        
Just time set aside by the world in general      
For thinking of how I lost you      
How you never left me      
How you never came back      
       
Every year      
It's time set aside to imagine you're here      
That you finally kept your promise        
Every car      
Every noise outside my window      
Every knock      
My heart skips and almost sounds like disco      
But it only takes half a moment      
To realize that it's not you      
That it never was      
Never will be      
       
Every fucking year      
I cry and scream      
I beg and bleed      
Remembering      
I wield a torch to fight away      
But the glow does little more than illuminate      
Highlighting        
The most excruciating      
Agonizingly beautiful      
Breathtakingly painful      
Awfully joyful        
Perfectly fleeting moments
The few we shared      
       
Every year      
It reminds me that I lost you      
That I gave you up      
In return for a chance to forget you      
Even though we all know I would never take it      
       
This year      
Parking lot      
Listening to wind      
Thinking