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deepundergroundpoetry.com
"Generalized" Anxiety Disorder
Like a fucking nagging
Ache
Embedded deep in
My neck
Just like the one
I wake up to
Every night
And Morning
I just can't
Sleep
Without that feeling
Greeting me
Every
Single
Fucking
Morning
They call it
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In other words
My nerves are worked up
All the time
For no reason
Just
In general
Always
Neverending
Undying
I don't believe in meds
I feel like they'd only
Fuck me up
Worse than I feel
Most of the time
So I trudge through
These muddied
Hallowed waters
And thick jungles
Of fire
Accompanied by intermittent bursts
Of skin-burning frozenness
Nothing is good
Nothing is right
If only my brain decided
To be this unstoppable
In all the other areas of my life
Maybe things would be a little
Better
But they're not
And I work every day to make it so
My life might be a little easier
The next morning
The next night
The next go around
But I don't know
I never know
This shit takes hold of me
And throws me down that pit
Leaves me there with no food
No water
No love
It sits there
Smile, taps its foot
And waits for me
To die
Ache
Embedded deep in
My neck
Just like the one
I wake up to
Every night
And Morning
I just can't
Sleep
Without that feeling
Greeting me
Every
Single
Fucking
Morning
They call it
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In other words
My nerves are worked up
All the time
For no reason
Just
In general
Always
Neverending
Undying
I don't believe in meds
I feel like they'd only
Fuck me up
Worse than I feel
Most of the time
So I trudge through
These muddied
Hallowed waters
And thick jungles
Of fire
Accompanied by intermittent bursts
Of skin-burning frozenness
Nothing is good
Nothing is right
If only my brain decided
To be this unstoppable
In all the other areas of my life
Maybe things would be a little
Better
But they're not
And I work every day to make it so
My life might be a little easier
The next morning
The next night
The next go around
But I don't know
I never know
This shit takes hold of me
And throws me down that pit
Leaves me there with no food
No water
No love
It sits there
Smile, taps its foot
And waits for me
To die
Published 29th Jan 2013
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Anonymous
29th Jan 2013 9:56pm
As somebody who has OCD and crippling anxiety I found this very moving and very accurate. The sheer desperation that the disorder inflicts on you some times you just can't convey to somebody who has never experienced it. I also found the contrast of saying that it leaves you without food or water was also a stark contrast to the feelings that anxiety does provide. There are days when I just don't eat at all because of how bad I feel. The last line wrapped it up spectacularly. Thank you for writing this, because I've really been suffering recently with my issues and this just made me feel like I wasn't alone somehow.
29th Jan 2013 10:11pm
Oh wow. Yeah. I have the same exact affliction actually. OCD that acts with and causes anxiety. I'm so glad this helped though. Just know that other people are going through the same thing, y'know? It sucks but we all deal somehow.
3rd Feb 2013 8:43pm
