Gone Forever

Well
I don't know what to say
Exactly
Or
How to express my feelings clearly
As usual
So here goes
Another stupid fucking
Gut-wrenching
Display of my own
Emotional shortcomings that can't be blamed
On anyone
But myself

To start
I think
I just want to ask
Why you just can't bring yourself
To
Suck it up
And swallow your pride
And just
Lie to me
Please
I don't care if it sounds fake
I don't care if I don't believe it
Because, chances are, I won't
I'm too self-conscious
And I'm too doubtful
Of everything
And everyone
Not just myself
And my own thoughts and wishes and feelings
It's unhealthy
But I'm not healthy
I feel like shit
Like the rotting decal matter that dwells
In healing pools in the gutters stinking to high Heaven
I'm not sure what will make me feel better
You spitting lies
Or me just crawling into a ditch on the side of the road
And starving to death
I just
Want you to say
"I love you,"
And look me in the eye
And see right through me
And mean it
And make me believe
That the feelings that are embedded
In my stitched up and re-split head
And arms and legs
And soul
Aren't unrequited
Aren't for nothing
That all this time I've been spending
Thinking about you
And about us
Together
Hasn't been the waste
With the shit-eating grin
That it actually is
I just want to believe
That my time isn't gone forever