deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Mad and the Violent
They've got a tension in 'em.
A piano,
a grand piano, that never settles in a key
that it's at ease with.
To explain this,
I'd have to understand the orbital tides of women
and allot an equilibrium
within the margins of comfortability
because we can't let this planet play unfair.
To them, the mad and the violent,
the sun wears a blue hood
and swings a flaming axe
but this executioner of existence
is our only balance.
You're coming in to this world
through blood and flesh
and you'll be leaving against your will.
The trick, between all this,
is to ignore the growls and territorial pisses
'cause you'll only be threatened
by choice.
Sometimes
you've just gotta put your head down
and pick ya fuckin' knees up
'cause thinkin'll kill you, or worse
and instinct will wake you up in the morning
with a brand new hard-on.
Published 27th Jan 2013
| Edited 28th Jan 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 22
reads 882
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jan 2013 9:41pm
Haha I love thr last part. Everything in this poem speaks truth with the metaohorical displays.
The sun indeed has a blue hood.
And women get blamed for everything. The maf and the violent are religions fault.
The sun indeed has a blue hood.
And women get blamed for everything. The maf and the violent are religions fault.
28th Jan 2013 7:18am
You got a lisp? :)
I'm not necessarily pointing fingers at anything here, just trying to make some sense myself I think because they, are definitely I too.
I'm not necessarily pointing fingers at anything here, just trying to make some sense myself I think because they, are definitely I too.
28th Jan 2013 2:35am
Pretty damn good write! Loved the metaphors and the colloquial language, nicely done Mr. A.
28th Jan 2013 7:20am
28th Jan 2013 3:51am
This is about me isn't it? It's because of that thing I said when I was. Nvm brilliant poem and I was joking.. Xoxo
28th Jan 2013 7:22am
Yes it's all about you, Gigi, and yeah, it's because of that time when you sunk my boat with that hairy thing.
Mr. A. Been through this a few times.
I'll start by saying i totally f'n love the last stanza. i think that there is damn near a poem there alone...
Also really like the bit with the blue hood and such. Also dig the threatened by choice thing...interesting thing i read from your voice, is that you nearly brush into the cynical, discouraged etc... But for me it doesn't quite go there, your observations are stated a bit matter of factly,.but have an interest and mystery.(to me)
A couple of things that raised questions for me:
I almost think the word insanity could be removed, because it has a connotation of judgement to it.
And that matter of fact voice could come through more.
" To explain
I'd have to understand orbital tides
and allot...etc."
Even without the word "women" the orbital tides gives it away...and only a fool doesnt know insanity and women are synonyms.
The first bit too, i really like as well.
"They have a tension to them (bam, yes they do)
like a piano
a grand piano, etc.."
Curious how you feel about losing the "lets call it".
its your observation, seems like you're asking the audience if its ok to call it a piano almost.
the tension IS a piano
and a grand piano at that.
Bit with the key never being content is pretty spot on.
Whatever, im well on the opposite side of sobriety, and wanted to talk shop.
I think you to be the type of man who's game,
even if every word i said is hogwash.
Haha, cheers A
I'll start by saying i totally f'n love the last stanza. i think that there is damn near a poem there alone...
Also really like the bit with the blue hood and such. Also dig the threatened by choice thing...interesting thing i read from your voice, is that you nearly brush into the cynical, discouraged etc... But for me it doesn't quite go there, your observations are stated a bit matter of factly,.but have an interest and mystery.(to me)
A couple of things that raised questions for me:
I almost think the word insanity could be removed, because it has a connotation of judgement to it.
And that matter of fact voice could come through more.
" To explain
I'd have to understand orbital tides
and allot...etc."
Even without the word "women" the orbital tides gives it away...and only a fool doesnt know insanity and women are synonyms.
The first bit too, i really like as well.
"They have a tension to them (bam, yes they do)
like a piano
a grand piano, etc.."
Curious how you feel about losing the "lets call it".
its your observation, seems like you're asking the audience if its ok to call it a piano almost.
the tension IS a piano
and a grand piano at that.
Bit with the key never being content is pretty spot on.
Whatever, im well on the opposite side of sobriety, and wanted to talk shop.
I think you to be the type of man who's game,
even if every word i said is hogwash.
Haha, cheers A
28th Jan 2013 7:11am
Well hogwash it definitely isn't. If you're drunk, you should drink more haha.
Yeah I probably went a bit overly descriptive trying to keep it matter-of-fact. Insanity can definitely come out I think, and women is a good idea to be removed, but I wanted them in there somewhere, maybe I can switch that bit about somehow.
You're right about the 'let's call it', it's just unnecessary weight that's there to help.carry the voice.
Excellent points made, man. More than enough to chew on. Cheers for that.
Yeah I probably went a bit overly descriptive trying to keep it matter-of-fact. Insanity can definitely come out I think, and women is a good idea to be removed, but I wanted them in there somewhere, maybe I can switch that bit about somehow.
You're right about the 'let's call it', it's just unnecessary weight that's there to help.carry the voice.
Excellent points made, man. More than enough to chew on. Cheers for that.
28th Jan 2013 11:19am
to chew or eschew...one if me favorite conundrums.
& Washing hogs is no task for the wish-washy, sanity not wit'standing.
ye can rip it up & glue it back t'gether over,over,again&again, wasting precious time that coulda been wellspent shopping for obsolescent wallpaper online among the amazons.
but i don't know from shit, so it drops & i walk on, perhaps giving a flush or kickin a bit of sand on it...ain't hardly any'one lookin anways
cheers unto thee, riter of fine po'ems---
(hey, IthinkI just rote me nex[t]poom! tha's what eye'call Rite On)
& Washing hogs is no task for the wish-washy, sanity not wit'standing.
ye can rip it up & glue it back t'gether over,over,again&again, wasting precious time that coulda been wellspent shopping for obsolescent wallpaper online among the amazons.
but i don't know from shit, so it drops & i walk on, perhaps giving a flush or kickin a bit of sand on it...ain't hardly any'one lookin anways
cheers unto thee, riter of fine po'ems---
(hey, IthinkI just rote me nex[t]poom! tha's what eye'call Rite On)
28th Jan 2013 9:09pm
Stanza three and four were superb, dadyo'.
Shit gets everywhere, and how great we are at hiding/disposing of it. You'd think we didn't have arseholes.
Shit gets everywhere, and how great we are at hiding/disposing of it. You'd think we didn't have arseholes.
28th Jan 2013 4:40pm
I love the piano analogy; it made me want to comment. Everything in the world should be described in relation to a grand piano. It's true.
I think the first and last verse have a really distinct voice, a cool drudgy conversational tone that lives under dimmed lighting.
I read the last verse as if I was Clint Eastwood.
I think the first and last verse have a really distinct voice, a cool drudgy conversational tone that lives under dimmed lighting.
I read the last verse as if I was Clint Eastwood.
Hey, get your own analogy. Piano's mine. Cello's good too. I've used banjo before so that's done.
Thanks for the comment and possible compliment, Clint.
Thanks for the comment and possible compliment, Clint.
29th Jan 2013 2:11am
29th Jan 2013 5:07pm
lovely ladies such as yrself are always welcome to covet a touch to my horns...
i've actually lost a few in'struments due to such largess... dumbfug that iyam wit thee gurls
i've actually lost a few in'struments due to such largess... dumbfug that iyam wit thee gurls
28th Jan 2013 8:47pm
Mr. A
Wold you mind if I show you something, and would you like to collaborate ?
I have only done so with my husband, but when/if you see what I want to show you, you might understand the offer. lol
Wold you mind if I show you something, and would you like to collaborate ?
I have only done so with my husband, but when/if you see what I want to show you, you might understand the offer. lol
28th Jan 2013 9:14pm
29th Jan 2013 00:00am
After reading yours, I immediately thought of "call, and response"
I spose this is a response to your call -
What frisks the Maestros ?
she asks. Is it just these slits between
black raised, inner ivory chest
nibbed with a shrill tinge?
Her concertos are all about the tone of cracks
where sound bounds unto gutty wire, plucking
apart, but fucking lyrical. Their symphonies
always cut a shanty patronage.
Alone she is barbed up keys. A lack
of lessons warble loose legs, knobby knees
strung to a sheath; a pit
of noise banging out its clunks
in scoring stacks of sheets.
To reach the back seats, creating
tactile forms, she clanks
softer notes, in hope of silence.
And it is a thin sounding day… to hear
through sinewy twangs, an un-kept baby grand
breaking in chambers, echoes
of fingertips always playing.
I spose this is a response to your call -
What frisks the Maestros ?
she asks. Is it just these slits between
black raised, inner ivory chest
nibbed with a shrill tinge?
Her concertos are all about the tone of cracks
where sound bounds unto gutty wire, plucking
apart, but fucking lyrical. Their symphonies
always cut a shanty patronage.
Alone she is barbed up keys. A lack
of lessons warble loose legs, knobby knees
strung to a sheath; a pit
of noise banging out its clunks
in scoring stacks of sheets.
To reach the back seats, creating
tactile forms, she clanks
softer notes, in hope of silence.
And it is a thin sounding day… to hear
through sinewy twangs, an un-kept baby grand
breaking in chambers, echoes
of fingertips always playing.
3rd Feb 2013 8:18pm
Ok, Maggie. Let's clear this up. Is this purely a response to my poem, or something that would require my input?
3rd Feb 2013 9:29pm
*chuckles*
No Hun... Sorry about my lack of clarity. I wrote this about 5 years ago. When I read yours, it kinda freaked me out in the sense that it seemed like we were talking to each other (call and response)
My suggestion in terms of collaboration is that I think these two pieces could be meshed together.
Your thoughts ?
No Hun... Sorry about my lack of clarity. I wrote this about 5 years ago. When I read yours, it kinda freaked me out in the sense that it seemed like we were talking to each other (call and response)
My suggestion in terms of collaboration is that I think these two pieces could be meshed together.
Your thoughts ?
28th Jan 2013 9:38pm
3rd Feb 2013 8:19pm
