something diem

Nice write lightbaron...strider

occupation is a key

thanks strider

LB

You got me pondering this one, big time. Would you mind if I did a slight edit on this ? I hate doing it this way but it is quicker than trying to explain where my head is at. You will see straight up. :)

Oh absolutely!
please do.
I have serious questions if i'm being heard right anyway

Example, the first line- this right now...
I doubt i'm presenting it how i want to

Love to see your thoughts

I am not sure if this is what you are seeing, or wanting to express, but it is what I am picking up on. I am loving the "electricity" in the context of diem (or life) It is a bare boned idea, raw, and very organic. Let's go with that for a minute ok ?  
 
Here is what you have -  
 
This right now  
is wide awake  
  
and  
  
my electricity  
can slumber  
no longer.  
  
Can't say i earned it;  
unless not dying  
when the lack of life is invited  
in,  
is an honest days work  
  
but  
  
I remember the currency  
of true seisure,  
and  
an idiot  
would have to  
occupy more space  
than  
  
i do  
  
to deny such presence.
 


Now here is what my mind is seeing -  
 
This right now  
spikes an eye opening
  
and  
  
my electricity  
slumbers no longer.  
  
Can't say i did not harness this;  
unless dying reads
as a lack of life generated.  
 
but  
  
I recall the currency  
of true seizure,  
and a dolt  
would have to bolt
through more space  
than  
  
i do  
  
to deny such a display of power.
 
In minimizing your words, sometimes Hun I think you are not allowing yourself enough leeway. I maintained your metaphor while still keeping it simple. Open it up just a bit more. Allow yourself a little more room to breath ;)

I dig your thoughts.
I def see what you're saying,
I think i have purposely been trying to strip the luster off certain concepts to attempt to keep it unbiased or disempowred...like this moment is charged and seems to be inviting me to partake in it, but that isn't a good or bad thing, its simply something im observing.(although yeah a bit of bias, with the having to be an idiot to pass up the oppurtunity)

But means little what i want to do,
Its all in how its read, and for that i thank you so much

Im gonna simmer on your ideas, see if i cant open it up a bit

very lovely!

I thank you very much ms.jessica