a dream forgot

I love the way this on ends...with that kind of sudden stop sentence. It's just like a dream where the end falls off suddenly into reality.

thank you, first time showin my stuff around. wrote that in a very emotional state a couple nights ago, i was holding a memory that ended similarly...

the may end so suddenly but the meaning does.
it's so romantic i enjoyed every single word of it!

the breath, the human body parts, that all of nature bends
to the same spell as the reader.

especially love the archaic voice created by your choice of words,
the 2 iambic pentameter lines at the first, and how the lines get
progressively shorter yet still remain iambic.

well done.


p.s. suggestions:
(if you're into that kind of thing; if not, pls. ignore)

typo: 1st word 'whose'

slightly different meaning; but maybe change second line for iambic rhythm:
'a sweet repose that bids the sun to wait'

again, a bit of meaning shift; but iambic rhythm for last line?:
spilled from bloody lips
'gainst trembling sky

thank you very much for the compliment and the suggestions. in fact im not very educated when it comes to the science, but have always enjoyed the art of words. any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated. some perhaps of particularly good sources for improving my grammar? dont say school please.

Well, the science is fun to learn about but not
that necessary. The main thing is using your own
experience.


There are a zillion sites about grammar, here are two:

Handy:
http://www.grammarbook.com/english_rules.asp

Thorough — from basic grammar to composing essays:
(But you need to know what you're looking for.)
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index.htm

Plus this one:
All sorts of interactive excercises (fun):
Grammar Bytes
http://www.chompchomp.com/


-----------------------------------
An 'iamb' is one type of metrical foot used in poetry (basically it's just
two syllables with the emphasis placed on the second one). Put five of them
in a line and you get iambic pentameter which is the most common line used
in English poetry.

Iamb:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iamb
Iambic pentameter:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter#Simple_example

------------------------------------
Some other links:

***A good thesaurus (and dictionary):
Thesaurus.com
http://thesaurus.reference.com/


***Some rhyming dictionaries of varying complexity:

Simple and fast:
Rhyming Dictionary
http://www.writeexpress.com/online2.html

Rhymes, alliteration, near rhymes, definitions, appearances in Shakespeare, etc.
RhymeZone rhyming dictionary and thesaurus
http://www.rhymezone.com/

Clunky, but simultaneous near and multiple syllable
Best Rhyming Dictionary - WikiRhymer - home
http://www.wikirhymer.com/

Weird display, but does complex alliteration and tries to rhyme anything.
RhymeBrain - Rhyme any word, even made up ones
http://rhymebrain.com/