ADD (A Decision Determined)

when my steps cease i will lease out my mind to any college wasted on my    
far flying    
ears    
Winter displeases me  
the black ice is laughing at my long journey to an invite i am not sure i even have permission to take        
a little clarity perhaps    
where do i begin    
sex  
good sex  
and life and light in my hours of need
and then classes
endless classes
and aspirations to destinations that feel free and exciting
all these moments slot together    
making no sense whatsoever
one path guided by the man who never intended to end up here
and ended up here due to a woman
he never fails to remind me
another all foggy and unclear
would i have even started courses without him
could i focus on them if he was not there   
   
'She can discuss events in stories and predict possible endings or put forward explanations for a character's behaviour.'    
   
and the downfall in me    
   
'Attention'    
'Attention'    
'Attention'    
   
i have been driven with bad cargo    
derived from the breaths of no-good and educated by teachers that cannot acknowledge ADD
  
education now feels like an overdose on the brain    
i could make my family happy and stay close to home
keep my partner content being close to his friends  
and as for me  
i feel shaken like salt  
what is right and what is wrong and what the heck is in between
doubt lives in me   
confined and chained  
silence is all i can hear in my    
far flying
ADD    
ears