A Soft Inch in the Middle

Warning:
This poem is pointless, Frivolous  and contains humour!

I’ve had a problem lately, to which I sought a cure,
It may be caused by wanking but I can’t be really sure,
It doesn’t hurt or bother me when I go for a piddle,
But when I get a hard-on there’s a soft inch in the middle,

Both ends are hard as granite which really is perplexing,
The bugger droops and won’t insert Oh god that’s bloody vexing,
My missus howls with laughter when it folds itself in two,
No matter how I push and prod I still can’t get to screw,

I went to see my doctor a fine upstanding girl,
She said drop your trousers blocat boy, I’ll give the thing a twirl,
She stroked it and she poked it her hand in rubber glove,
Both ends went hard, the middle lard and I wanted to make love,

I’ve never seen the like of this and I’ve been a doctor since last March,
So she put a poultice on it and sprinkled it with starch,
Try not to wank for seven days and give it time to heal,
Then bring it back a week today and I’ll have another feel,

So back I went with the sole intent of giving her a fucking,
But the problem wouldn’t go away, not even with her sucking,
She said she’d looked a cure up and by rule of thumb,
It probably would get hard again if I stuck it up her bum,

The moment that it touched her arse the thing went hard as rock,
I didn’t have a condom so I stuffed it in me sock.
We bonked all round the surgery ‘til we fell against the door,
We crashed through in mid screw and landed on the floor,

The patents in the waiting room all stared in disbelief,
To see the doctor and myself getting our relief,
We're in court tomorrow and we’ve vowed to tell the truth,
That it was only therapy and I’ll show my cock for proof!