deepundergroundpoetry.com
Berceuse Reflection
In her rusted Ford Fiesta
she plays her favourite songs
(loud and painfully)
and remembers.
Her blooded knuckles
forgot
how to take a breath,
gorging on the choking-hearted
screams of distant babies.
Queasy thoughts
release her guts
before she wets her throat.
I'm coralled
by another's loss
and digital rain
from a child's toy, I switch
it to the sea and gulls.
I can almost smell the breeze,
but I've forgotten how.
Published 4th Jan 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Jan 2013 9:13am
6th Jan 2013 1:35pm
6th Jan 2013 2:04pm
as usual... something different.
see the lines I love are "blooded knuckles forgot how to take a breath"
BECAUSE------- I must give reasons----these is SO MUCH THERE, there is the odd use of "blooded" which works so much better than boring old bloodied, as it suggests a permanence about the blood, it is ALWAYS there, a tribal decoration, badge of honour. And "forgot how to take a breath" there is a lovely impicit connection between the shape of a heart and the shape of a fist, each as thirsty for new blood as the other.
perhaps i could go on, but personal reflections mean nothing. Even so I can see this is a killer write. And I have taste.
*implicit.
see the lines I love are "blooded knuckles forgot how to take a breath"
BECAUSE------- I must give reasons----these is SO MUCH THERE, there is the odd use of "blooded" which works so much better than boring old bloodied, as it suggests a permanence about the blood, it is ALWAYS there, a tribal decoration, badge of honour. And "forgot how to take a breath" there is a lovely impicit connection between the shape of a heart and the shape of a fist, each as thirsty for new blood as the other.
perhaps i could go on, but personal reflections mean nothing. Even so I can see this is a killer write. And I have taste.
*implicit.
