Can You Hear Me Now?

These thoughts consume my mind like a disease
Don't know where they come from but they stain my soul black
My eyes water as I hold back tears
Too afraid to ask for help I just cope and hope you notice
Can you hear me now?

I am colorblind
Everything is black and white
Trying to reach out to grab a hand to pull me out
Nothing is there so I just drown in my own tears
Can you hear me now?

So much pain as I try to find a way out
I didn't want to but I grabbed that blade
As I carve my story on my wrists
The vine of warm blood is temporary comfort
Can you hear me now?

Feeling all alone as I realize nothing will help
So I just sink to the bottom of my thoughts
Run my fingers through my hair and scream
The screams are not loud enough
Can you hear me now?

I can't hold back the tears much longer
I am on my knees begging unable to control this monster inside
Stuck in my mind in a place I really only visit by myself
Stuck. Cold. Helpless.
Can you hear me now?

I sit and play Russian roulette by myself
With each click is a rush of fear yet excitement hoping it will end
Click. Click. Bang
No need to scream anymore since its written on the wall
Can you hear me now?