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Martina and Rabia

 







Martina is going through the twelve steps
she has contacted me in a letter
apparently she wants to say she is sorry
shes wants to talk over coffee
acid reflux takes over
I let the letter slip through my fingers to the ground
standing up, feeling dizzy I close my eyes and tense my legs.



Rabia,
It has been many years since I have seen you, oh how I have looked......I have spent my life trying to cover my guilt in alcohol and drugs with every bottle and toke I saw you, your eyes....I need to see you again I need to tell you I'm sorry not just in this letter but to your face. I'm trying to rid my self of these demons that haunt me I have joined AA I'm trying to get my life back on track, lets do coffee or lunch, please call 313-331-1313 or write me back, let me know something, anything please.

Sincerely,
Martina F Roberts


Opening my eyes the letter stares at me
anger fills my being
the nerve, how dare she
really? why? why now?
that was a long time ago
I look back on that day and I want to puke
I never told my parents
to ashamed and embarrassed they would have disowned me
kinda funny to find out she has been tortured
and rightfully so.......

she invited me camping
with her and her father
I didn't want to go
Martina begged me
I went
the drive was a long 7 hours
Iron mountain, we pitched our tents
her dad went to the store
to get hotdogs and supplies
she and I gathered wood for a fire
her father came back and we ate
he drank beer after beer after beer
he asked us if we wanted one
we looked at each other
smiled and accepted

I think I had like four beers
she had about the same
I remember getting all woozy
and Martina telling me to sit down
I did, then I remember her dad
turning on the radio to some like hair band shit
she handed me another beer
I sipped it, and it seemed with every sip
I got more trashed
I remember Martina telling her dad to carry me to the tent
I remember feeling him pick me up
and from there it went black

I woke up in the morning naked covered in puke
and bleeding, well I thought I was, there was blood
dripping down my thigh, I was alone
I could hear them packing up I found my clothes
I got dressed, I was so sore
felt like I had been hit with bat
everything hurt
before I left tent Martina came in
her words were
"if you tell anyone ever about what me and my dad did
I will kill you, I looked at her blankly
and said "what did you do?" Martina smiled
she yelled "she don't remember dad the whore was to drunk"
I looked at her confused, whore?
whore would mean something sexual happened
then the blood on my thigh made sense
I had sex with her dad, or her or
tears flooded my eyes, I thought about my mom
how disappointed she would be if she knew
I was to remain a virgin till I was married
its our custom

I came out of that tent and gave both of them the evil eye
her dad told me to get in the car
I did we, drove that 7 hours in silence
we went back to her house
we were in her room
I asked her "what happened"
she smiled and said "you fucked my dad"
I cried like a little bitch
she put her arm around me
and she started telling me the details

"we gave you the beer
we put xanax in it
we waited for you to get tired
we kept giving you those beers
and you drank them,
then when I noticed your eyes
half open half closed
that's when I told my dad to put you in the tent
he carried you in
I undressed you
I smacked you a few times
daddy kissed you
I watched you and my daddy get it on
even though you were passed out we knew you liked it"

I pushed her arm off of me I stood up and hit her
as hard as I possibly could
she laughed held her face and said
"you wont tell anyone what happened you are Muslim
you will be disgraced"
she wouldn't stop laughing
I wanted to choke the life out of her
instead I walked out of her room
I never saw her or her freak father again.

after that day I begged my parents
to send me to my aunts in Arizona
I told them I would get a better education
because the schools were better and she needed the help
after a few months of begging they let me go
I never looked back on that day
I blocked it out for the most part
only telling one person, my therapist
and now the distraught Martina wants to talk?
apologize?
I crumble her letter and toss it in the trash
where it belongs, I sit down holding a pillow
thinking..........
I go and get her letter....... I need the return address.


Dear Martina,

I got your letter, I could care less if your receiving help for your alcoholism and drug problem, you and your father raped me on that camping trip, no sorry will ever erase that from my memory or soul. Fuck you and your sick twisted father,not only are you an alcoholic and drug abuser YOU ARE AN ACCOMPLICE TO RAPE, you tricked me into going with you on that trip, you knew, you planned and you got me. Never again will I be so stupid and as for meeting you for coffee, the alcohol must have effected your brain you are delusional. There is a special place in hell for people like you and your father, go ahead smoke more crack and drink you deserve it!!!!!! please drink yourself into an early grave or better yet over dose already, hope this letter finds you half dead with your dads dick in your mouth.

Sincerely
Rabia S Adam


  







 





 






Written by nikkimoe
Published
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