Nobody Knows

The girl everyone else sees, just is not the real me.
The real me is lost yet again.
Lost in her head, lost in her soul.
She’s lost all control.
Her soul has darkened.
Yet to be reawakened.
She feels weak.
Like no one notices that she seeks day in and day out
That she wants to be somebody else
Other than herself.
She’s a lost girl in this f*cked up world.
She wishes she was invisible, but knows that is impossible.

Nobody know that sometimes she cries herself to sleep.
Sometimes refuses to eat, because she’s fat.
And she always acts like she’s fine.
When in reality she’s past the line,
The line seperating light from the dark.
She's on the edge. Wishing her pain would just end,
She whispers to herself
“My dear friends, don’t you see? How much pain that is in this soul?
In this heart? It’s like an art. I have mastered it.
I just hide it.
I just hide
Behind a wall.
That protects me from all the problems and the pains in the world.
I have become shadow. I am called Sparkles.
When I do not shine.
All I do is want to die.
But I can’t.”

Nobody knows either than I,
that every now and then my walls come tumbling down
and all I wish is that I was not afraid,
Was not ashamed of my emotions,
But it’s always an inevitable process.

I pretend. I say I’m real. But all I feel is that I am a fake.
All I do is make mistake after mistake.
And in the end it’ll always be my heart at stake.

I’m a big girl, So I should not cry myself to sleep at night.
But how can I not when I am constantly having to fight to keep the light?
I am misunderstood, underestimated.
My heart, my soul, underrated. All I am is a fool. So uncool.
I'm weird and fear that I have nothing left to hold near my heart.

My heart is cold. This pain is getting kinda old.
A story that is constantly re-told.

I hide my pain, even though it’s in vain.
Nobody knows
That the way I act us just for show.
Nobody knows.