Too Much

"Maybe I'm just like my Mother...
She never satisfied....
Why do we scream at each other..
This is what it sounds like when Doves Cry"
                               Prince
                                    
In my life....
I recognize that too many
things were missing.
 
No Mother....
No Father ....
and a bunch of  
crazy ass stand ins
that only seemed to deepen
my need to be wanted.
 
Always searching...
always searching for that "perfect"
feeling of acceptance...
always searching for that
feeling of "completeness"
always searching for that
Can't Nobody Touch This  
Kinda love...
and always....
coming up short.
 
I wonder ...now as I  
see myself.
fighting the beginning
of a disease known as
"The Bitter Bitch Syndrome"
If I will ever be fulfilled
If I will ever reach...
a moment of completeness
 
As I strive with  
this shit eatin grin  
plastered on my face...
to afraid to show any other
emotion right now...
 
Cause most people don't do well
in the midst of other peoples
nervous breakdowns....
 
So I choose to spare the world
and suffer...on the inside.
 
I realize... as I see myself
I have always wanted...
Too Much... of everything
thinking in my own  
twisted way that
I could horde goodness
and love...
Reality...
just doesn't work that way  
 
I realize now...that maybe
Just maybe...
I would have a little of what I need
If I hadn't always wanted
So Much...
Too Much ...
Of everything