Holding The Pain

The wind, the rain, the endless pain,
Sitting by my window, staring to the night,
Explaining my struggle is too hard,
Explaining myself is too hard,
Everything is a struggle.

When I get pushed over the edge,
When I get told I'm nothing,
The pain inside hits against me,
Harder than any sticks or stones,
Because when I get told I'm useless,
It gets injected into my brain for good.

Never can someone push it out,
However many compliments I get,
One insult is all it takes,
To make me stay up all night,
And wonder why I'm here.

I allow myself to hold tears,
To store them deep inside,
When really all I want to do,
Is scream and scream,
And let out all my steam.

I avoid any mirror,
Physically and mentally,
Avoiding myself,
Trying to accept the fact that,
I am here.