I shoulda stayed in bed

I awoke...
to darkness
and cold air...

It felt like a presence
had entered...but not quite left.

I knew...what kind of
day this would be...

As I showered and went
through my SSDD routine
I felt the pit of my stomach churn...

Anxiety... building and brewing
restlessness and discontent...
leaving me dazed...and confused.

Frustration...prickling
the back of my neck...

thoughts weighing me down as
I go to the basement.. to reset
the lights...

This for boding wont leave me..
as I am hard pressed to breathe.

Anxiety..building

Then... the anger hits.

Like a ton of bricks
falling on my head.
Like...a bolt of lightening
striking me down
rendering me ...
beyond words...

Pure anger..
from the root of me
that deep down gut burning anger
that makes you wanna spit nails
or causes you to see red...
It took me by such surprises
I ..nearly lost my breath.

Confusion took over...
I was angry...about EVERYTHING
My life ..my mistakes..
my childhood
I was angry
about not fighting harder
when I was kidnapped raped and beaten
by my ex...

I was angry because my Mother
left me here...to deal
with this shitty world...
on my own...
I was angry because....
recycling was a joke on my street!
paper, bottles, and cans
laying unruly and arrogantly
on my side walks...
Angry...
to the point of an
out -of body experiences...
Then...come the tears.
Those Angry tears...
You know ...
the ones that burn
going down your face.

I ...was lost in a moment
like falling into the dark side
of a dream....
Face first I plunged...
Trying to pull myself
together..piece...
by soggy piece
Before 8 am .
I knew when I woke up
what kind of day
it was going to be
The spirits tried to warn me
when I woke up...
I think...
I shoulda stayed in bed.