deepundergroundpoetry.com
Vain fun in the Sun
All is vanity, underneath the sun, all is vanity
Self-centred fleshlings burning in the sun
Their egoism hurts them all and makes no fun
Burning in their own over-flated worth
Smoking into dust, fated from their birth
Dust to Dust
Ashes to Ashes
Flying too far, near the sun
Losing wings, singed faces
Flying too far, now they're numb
Through the skies sun-heated hum
Baked earth and deserts below
Where nothing ever can grow
In the Sun shines the vainless
Basking in the altruistic mess
Scorching in a flaming prison
Sizzling Saints, barbequed benign beings
Glowing Gods and Angels ablaze
All is vanity, underneath the sun, all is vanity
Smoking, choking self-obsessed poison insanity
Self-centred fleshlings burning in the sun
Their egoism hurts them all and makes no fun
Burning in their own over-flated worth
Smoking into dust, fated from their birth
Dust to Dust
Ashes to Ashes
Flying too far, near the sun
Losing wings, singed faces
Flying too far, now they're numb
Through the skies sun-heated hum
Baked earth and deserts below
Where nothing ever can grow
In the Sun shines the vainless
Basking in the altruistic mess
Scorching in a flaming prison
Sizzling Saints, barbequed benign beings
Glowing Gods and Angels ablaze
All is vanity, underneath the sun, all is vanity
Smoking, choking self-obsessed poison insanity
Published 29th Jun 2010
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2nd Dec 2013 7:34pm
i like it but there are a few things that i wish you would do differently. the first thing i noticed that somewhat perturbed me was that the rhy me sceme is inconsistant. the second is the term over-flated. ive heard over-inflated but could just be me. other than those few things i very much liked thwe poem, keep it up
2nd Dec 2013 11:20pm
My more manic pieces are rather over-inflated, though even I cannot quite follow the rhyming pattern here. Well, its not clear and concise and I dislike having a perfect rhyming scheme too often as it sounds too school-like. Though your criticism is appreciated.
