epiphany

          
   
   
outside heathrow on a balmy day, the three of us wait  
me love, myself and limbo  
   
[having learnt this trick in the advanced writing program    
i try to put it to use, whenever possible-reanimate an emotion    
or a state and thus, carry a shipload of golems alongside    
for my own private entertainment.  
   
so tonight, it's limbo-a stubborn german kid-pale skin, blue eyes, blonde hair  
dressed in a blue sweater with a yellow flower that his ma made last summer  
repulsive comforting bugger, and once he was just a sperm]  
   
and we wait some more 'til a bloke appears  
   
'dis way modom', the man says, a sheaf of paper tucked under  
a planted smile flashing like some central tokyo LED hoarding  
stings of cheap cologne. his name tag reads Dan    
[howdy Dan, get some.]  
   
i stare at him a discomforting beat as he looks down  
auburn hair clean face yellow teeth broad shoulders thin legs    
the typical affair-mediocre Dan, less than zero  
   
shutter utter boredom, murder.  
   
my eyes follow my woman who saunters ahead  
she has shrunk a bit, that one  
embittered, agitated, a near-wreck  
all she does is smile her clueless smile while touching up    
every fifteen minutes-all signs of something famished within her, guilt may be  
something that had started gnawing a while back, only to sink its teeth  
full into a large chunk of life; sapping sucking slow, gobbling whole,  
a piranha on the shore, with a legless fashion model    
   
Dan stumbles across a bent sign post, regains his composure  
deficient Dan mutters and stands by, holding the door of the taxi  
she gets in first and opens her satchel takes her mirror  
frigging bejaysus darn woman  
    
i take out a ten and hand it to Dan, knowing that the cretin will go    
have a drink or two and take a woman home. someone bespectacled flatchested normal    
hump her, shoot his load early and go to sleep snoring loud  
   
what if the woman gets the pink line  
another Dan, another loser, dim wit  
ah darn the cycle, goddamn cycle.
  
the chauffeur honks and smiles at me  
   
i look at Dan, the chauffeur, my woman and myself in the mirror, bloody mistakes  
on our way to create more and then, more  
   
nuff' said, thought, reflected, none done. another honk and the pensive driver stares  
Dan has furrows on his forehead and me love talks from inside with the volume turned down  
a cop stands next to me with quizzical eyes  
   
fuck. it.    
   
with a sharp jab onto his sides followed by    
a back hand on his chin, i whip his service pistol out,  
off his safety and one Dan, two driver, three cop  
bang.bang.bang.holler/honk/scream/thud    
open the door.bang-bang. mascara mess.  
bang, one more to the cop, bravery medal.  
last one, shove it down my throat, feel    
the throb of the transcendental blowjob  
cock.  
   
note to ma:    
   
hold tammy in a tub of water, not more than    
five minutes, once the thrashing dies    
sink it deeper, don't mind the catshit  
put it in a garbage bag and hurl it    
into outerspace. that was a joke, ma.  
you have done well. next time find a    
better man and have a better son.