vendettas

i wish to know but not to learn.
i want to speak and not be heard.
i want to live but also to die.
i can never make up my mind.
i lost track of time.
bittersweet and kind.
our revolving society.

all these dilemmas and vendettas.
confusing me to the edge
staring over the ledge.
of losing control, losing my soul.
dig your way out of a hole.
why is everything backwards?
im losing my mind,
losing track of time.
going blind.
im the nonbeliever that wants a sign.
the blazed out potential.
drugs and naked hugs.
left me hollow, and to wallow,
in the shit of my mind.
nothing remains,
but questions of why.
goodnight or goodbye?
i dont even know that, HELP ME!!!!