She still sings us both to sleep

Home run here Jestalessa.

Well done....

Strider

too kind, Strider, thank you so much. [:

An elegant write and with what came with Sandy very timely. You capture the duality of nature so well. We would do well to remember both the beauty  and the power that goes with mother nature.

Lovely and serene and powerful. Thank you

A most beautiful captivating write Jesta. :)

A wonderful journey, thanks for sharing.

i really appreciate the love for this one, guys. it was a quickie, so if you have suggestions, feel free to weigh in. of course, "it's perfect, Jes" is welcome too... but i'd suspect any one of you of trying to get into my inbox. [:

"Never lost my brothers    
to her mercy    
and still loved her as a mother."
"and every imagination she'd stolen from her dead    
she whispered back to me"
Yes, yes ... stunning, Jestalessa.  For all I know it's riddled with typos; wouldn't matter.  Smooth, rich with story.  Embracing, spiritual, grave - I adore this work.

ah, you picked out my favourite lines on the imaginations. [:  
though i'm thinking of changing out "whispered" for another word, as i feel i may use it too often in general. thank you for the great feedback, Kaat. it's like a hard earned drink, getting props from you. [:

Well...I've had a couple of looks at this piece over the weekend, and my two cents goes a little somethin' like this;
 
I wonder sometimes     
(if) living life in the dark     
(has) lost me the ground line     
to creatures and earth     
(when) dealing with humanity -     
losing light(;)       
some illusion of purity.       
    
what I miss most(, then,) (or 'though'?)     
is the ocean.     
 
We bond tightest through adversity       
don't we?     
or adrenaline     
or endorphins shared     
and the sea and I     
have never tussled (like that).     
Not really.     

(the word 'tussle' is not a strong one for me...you tussle with a lover in a hay shed....you fight or die with the sea....is 'tussle' making a strong enough point?)     

(which means) I've never watched a man die (the bridge between this verse and the last is weak....bring the reader along, and if you aren't sure put the bridge in anyway)     
with rope wrapped fast around his leg     
dragged under the boat till water       
swilled its way through nose, flooding lungs -     
Never had cheese wire blaze (what do you mean here? The reference is lost on me)     
burn through my fingers     
while I tried to hold his life     
or cursed every other hand that tried to help     
for failing.     
     
Never had a torrent       
wash away my livelihood     
or sang songs of home     
to boys in arms on quiet nights     
or ruined my body     
by reaping the blue harvest       
too long     
and too hard.     
     
I didn't grow up with a pole on my back     
and a (C)reel hanging off my bike (if you are using name for a thing that the reader might not know, use a capital letter so they can understand what you meant)   
or a steely determination     
to get out over the furthest reef of rock (a bar is not usually rock...anything rock is a reef)   
where the biggest lobsters battle it out (lobsters live on rock outcrops)   
for their manly right to breed.     
     
Never lost my brother (to say 'brothers' loses some impact, for some reason....say 'brother')     
to her mercy     
and (then) still loved her as a mother.     
     
(but) I listened (you have finished with one idea, and are now on to the next, so you need a clue for the reader to come with you...the bridging word 'but' does this for you)
and she cradled me like rain on a make-shift shelter. (this image doesn't work for me...to cradle is to cup, but then you talk about a makeshift shelter which would envelop....do you see that they are two different things?)     
We played rough     
and we talked   (the and here makes it seem like you were playing rough and talking at the same time....the picture is cloudy)    
and every imagination she'd stolen from her dead     
she whispered back to me;   
     
I miss her music in the sun     
  
but we've never truly tussled.     
Maybe we've never bonded.     
Not really.
 
This write contains many of the things you need to work on to help your reader come with you...be careful with bridging, be careful to write what you know, be careful to be clear about what the image is....the picture you create in the reader's mind is everything, so make sure it is chystal clear....
 
All opinion of course, and dubious at best :-)
 
hh

hot damn. i knew it needed something(s).  
 
looks like it may be time to start over. i pretty much told it like it was told to me, taking needless liberties on the lobsters and the reef. but your in-depth edits are a gloriously rare and valuable set of feedback. figured this one might be scrutinized due to the rather specific content. [:  
 
a couple of a's and q's:  
 
i thought of using "fight"... but in the naivety of the narrator, i thought i should use something more friendly since "they've" always had a tame relationship.  
 
still not quite sure why "creel" should be capitalized... it's not a proper noun; but maybe i should use an asterisk and put a note at the bottom?  
 
cheese wire is a kitchen utensil sort of thing. well, to slice cheese. it's basically just a wire, sometimes attached to handles on either end, that cuts it no problem. i thought the metaphor would work for the rope cutting through his fingers as the guy described it with that very phrase, and i knew exactly what he meant.  
 
a shame about the feeling that came across on the "make-shift shelter" line! i meant more the feeling of what rain sounds like/feels like on a make-shift shelter... but i do see the difference. i'll have to figure that one out.  
 
thank you again, my dear, for the detailing. i'll probably change quite a few of those bring-along transitional words.

I have been poking around this site for a while and was getting a little discouraged. Then I found this. A range of emotional content and that indefinable something I call "a punch". I have read this several times and enjoyed thoroughly."and every imagination she'd stolen from her dead
she whispered back to me;"-powerful image. Thanks for sharing this.

i'm so pleased you found something here that you could connect with, redcrow; thank you for taking the time to comment. if you check out some of the people i follow on my profile page i'm sure you'll find a good few slugs to the gut, if that's what you're after. [:
 
a very hearty welcome to DU [:

what a beautiful way to describe it. it did feel contained to me... didn't want to play to despair the narrator might feel at her dawning realization, so tried to keep it a bit darker, more zombified. thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Priya. [:

It reminded me of the first time I saw a violent thunderstorm on the lake. Beautiful and powerful.

that's amazing to hear, BA, that this could bring up a glorious memory like that. thank you for reading [:

absolutely
beautiful, dear lassie....
so
fine

so kind of you to drop by, Saxman. thank ye muchly. [:

Well done ma.

beautiful to see you here, Divine. thank you [:

"Articulating the Unarticulated": A paradox? Very well then, You have done so through your piece. And for this very quality, I admire your work.

Shweta

thank you so much for that. to know i could get something 'unarticulated' into words is a great thing for me... still learning. [:

WOW sweets, Great read and Grand writing

wow, Lance. haha, thanks for the points [:

This is amazing...insightful and heartfelt Jesta..

Very Well Done.


fire

thank you for taking the time to read out this way, Firebyrd. glad you found something worth the visit [:

i've worked the boats. almost had my drunken eyes watering.....i've had the wire blaze burn through my fingers. this should b on the wall at the crow's nest bar down by the water.

the fact you could relate that closely to it makes my day, being one that has been there. a sincere thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. [:

Captivating writing style. Enjoyed