slew of introspection

does he know how much i miss him
i want to feel his heat ,
my mind wont stop reliving each moment.
in search of the torment,
that sent you away,
for your safety i pray.
i want only him and reality is so hard to swallow
my body imagines only his touch
wants only his touch,
even though hed laugh at such
he was my home and my heart beat to his.
im so dead inside as i play out the roles of life smiling
pretending it doesnt feel like the death of my hope
and in the ending of a beautiful life
even in our worst moments i found love in you
now youve left me without of you knowing
and i cant find the answer for what i am to do,
even now im crieing for you inside the walls of my soul
crumble in sacrifice to myself trembling and cold
i slip my grip falters and this solo march
sends me tumbling quickly to realities pavement
and i am reminded coldly that you can never love someone enough to make them remember they love you too or atleast did
as they are moved foward with thier goals
i am forever lost in this dysmal view the loss
is a burden that threatens to pull me under shallow waters
i could just beneath the surface save myself but why
when this heinous exsistence was only made lovely
because of you ,from that first night,life had purpose
a reason to rise ,now even as i cross this finish line
where the fuck is my prize how much must i bare before im vindicated for surely this karmic torture must have some lesson
that clearly is eluding me ,i am but a medium for loves abuse
so in the end of a story that has but two chapters it seems
the beginning and the end there was so shot an in between
it deserves no mention as i rub my shoulders tension
another slew of introspection the end