Numb

I stand under the blast of the shower
Hoping the pressure will strip the numb away
But the pounding water on my skin only drives it deeper in

The blade makes my skin leak rubies that I don’t really need
So I try to force things like ‘love’ and ‘compassion’
Into the space left behind but they only fall out again
And all that’s left is more room for ‘pain’ and ‘sorrow’
To grow and leave me feeling bloated with ‘agony’

Painkillers call to me, trying to convince me that everything hurts
But I ignore them while I pity them because
They’re only trying to fulfil their purpose,
And without their purpose they’d only be empty capsules of sugar
With no other reason than to rot the teeth that you
Smile so prettily through

Contact with others always left me drained and unable to release any more;
They just don’t see what they’re doing to me.
It’s my heart, damn it, give it back so I can
Entrust the needle and thread to someone else
Who’s better at putting me back together

You’re too willing to open up to me and trust me,
Because I’m so devoid of secrets that you
Fill me up with yours and skip away unburdened while
I struggle with your baggage, but then I always was stronger than you