deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pleasure me
Take me
make me shudder
suck my udders
fuck me hard
pleasure me
treasure me
ride me like a horse
fill me
thrill me
make me cry
make me cry
make me cry
make me shudder
suck my udders
fuck me hard
pleasure me
treasure me
ride me like a horse
fill me
thrill me
make me cry
make me cry
make me cry
Published 6th Oct 2012
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reading list entries 0
comments 12
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Oct 2012 10:23am
very interesting poem it caught my attention and showed me something nicely done
6th Oct 2012 1:13pm
6th Oct 2012 1:14pm
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Oct 2012 2:19pm
6th Oct 2012 2:18pm
<< post removed >>
7th Oct 2012 3:31am
6th Oct 2012 2:29pm
7th Oct 2012 3:31am
6th Oct 2012 3:54pm
Hi Candy:
We all have an animal side to our natures. You admit it, in what you say and how you say it. Congratulations! It's a good one.
I'd suggest, for continuity/consistency, your using "ride me like a bull". Animals with udders are ridden (usually) by bulls, not horses. :)
Just a suggestion. :) There's not much wrong with the poem as it stands.
Settembrini
We all have an animal side to our natures. You admit it, in what you say and how you say it. Congratulations! It's a good one.
I'd suggest, for continuity/consistency, your using "ride me like a bull". Animals with udders are ridden (usually) by bulls, not horses. :)
Just a suggestion. :) There's not much wrong with the poem as it stands.
Settembrini
7th Oct 2012 3:33am
thank you settembrini for your suggestion. I will leave for now, but will think on it. :)
Until this poem, I never would have guessed that something using "me" 11 times would make such a positive impression. For me the only minus is the use of the word "udders"---just seems out of place with the act of being ridden "like a horse".
Welcome to DU!
Welcome to DU!
7th Oct 2012 3:35am
thank you JAZZ :) I didn't know there were 11 me's in there. Glad it's positively all about me :D like I said above, I will think on changing the udders and horse.
20th Jan 2014 5:17pm
