should i

i'm scared
i know who i have to become
but i'm scared
you kiss me softly on the lips
i kiss you soflty back
what am i thinking
my thoughts are racing as i deepen the kiss
i slowly pull your shirt off
im nervous and shaking
this was never suppose to happen i thought
yet here i am slowly showing you myself
baring my ugliness before you
yet you remain willing
unflinching agaisnt the sight of me
i dcnt believe this
as i slowly kiss u down the neck
i pull of my shirt
while ur hands explore my chest
i'm afraid that i wont please you
afraid that you will see the failure in me
but you dont miss a beat
while you slowly pull off your shorts
my hands explore your body
shaking at the touch of you
slowly letting myself believe
that i could be happy for once
i slowly pull of your underwear
carefully placing my movements
to the rhytyms of our bodies
i feel my heart quickening
i feel my breath quiver
why does she want me
i want nothing else then to share myself with you
but im scared of what you will see
i release the grip of the belt on my pants
slowly undoing the button
and pulling them off
full of anticipation
as i slowly anticipate for the worst
thinking you will push me off
and run away into the night
you dont and you shake in whats to come
i want to feel you
want you to see me
for who i truly am inside
the moment comes and im as eager as you
what should have been the perfect moment gets interrupted
not by anything we do suprisingly
but by the sound of the door being unlocked
i yell them to stop and the door does not open
i ask them to come back and they lock the door back up
the tension is gone and no more excitement
the mood as been broken and i'm dissapointed
however i am grateful it wasnt me
i didnt dissapoint or do anything she didnt approve of
so maybe next time we can join ourselves
become one with the night and test fate
go agaisnt the waves ofpain and ride them out
she wants commitment but im scared
i want to be there but the title of husband and father scares me
i feel like i will fail and just cause misery
yet i want to be with her and i want to please her
should i become what i am so truly afraid of becming
only time wil tell