21st Century Driving Lesson Part 1 - Local Traffic

[font=Verdana]GOOD MORNING,
I`M MR.AXELROD, YOUR INSTRUCTOR
FOR THIS LAST LESSON BEFORE THE OFFICIAL
DMV PERMANENT LICENSE TEST.
I TAKE IT YOU ARE MS.TIFFANY LANDFILL

y-y-yes sir
mm-m-mornin` sir


ALL REETY RIGHTY - LETS TAKE IT ON THE ROAD

ummmmm...ok

RELAX, YOU ARE OFF TO A GREAT START -
YOU CHECKED ALL MIRRORS, LOOKED BOTH
WAYS, AND SIGNALED BEFORE PULLING INTO TRAFFIC.

thank you, i appreciate it.
whew -- i feel a little better.

WOULD YOU LIKE A COFFEE?

uh, i guess, sure

HERE YOU GO -- NO, NO, DONT PUT IT DOWN,
JUST MANEUVER WITH IT IN YOUR HAND -
YOU DONT WANT IT TO GET COLD.
HAVE YOU HAD BREAKFAST?

no

TAKE THIS BANANA - PEEL IT AT THE NEXT RED LIGHT --
SHOOT, THAT ONE AHEAD IS YELLOW, WE SHOULD GET THROUGH.
WTF? - HONK AT THAT ASSHOLE WHO STOPPED WHILE THE LIGHT WAS STILL YELLOW.

isnt it his decision to....

JUST HONK MS.LANDFILL

beep

COME ON MS LANDFILL, GIVE A REAL HONK -

beeeep

MORE, MORE, LET HIM KNOW THAT HE WAS A COMPLETE DICK...

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

THAT`S MORE LIKE IT.
IN THE FUTURE YOU WILL BE EXPERIENCED
ENOUGH TO DETERMINE THE LENGTH OF THE
HONK ACCORDING TO THE LEVEL OF DOOSHYNESS
THE DRIVER AHEAD HAS DISPLAYED.

yes sir

QUICK - PEEL THE BANANA - NO, NO - KEEP HOLDING THE COFFEE

but the light is green now

YES IT IS - JUST IDLE FORWARD
TIL FULLY PEELED
THEN PROCEED AT SPEED LIMIT

uhh,whatever you say

TIFFANY - YOU CANT JUST HOLD THE WHEEL
WITH THE BANANA IN YOUR HANDS -
YOU GOTTA EAT IT - THE BANANA OF COURSE -
NOT THE WHEEL - HEH HEH

NOW ALTERNATE HANDS: DRINK, SWALLOW, BITE, CHEW, SWALLOW...

jeez - sip, gulp chomp, chomp - gulp
sheesh

FINISHED? JUST TOSS THE PEEL
OVER YOUR SHOULDER TO THE BACK SEAT
WE DONT WANT TO LITTER THE ROAD, DO WE?
JUST SHAKE YOUR HEAD -