Ponder This.....(From the INside my Mind collection)

Imagining...

That somewhere inside me
I can erase...everything
that ever happened to cause me
to loose my faith

As I.... rewind time...
letting it unfold in wafer-thin pages
spread out across the stages of my mind

As I place an offering at the door that Elegba
stands behind...while holding my rosary beads
saying ten Hale Mary's praying...
not to loose my mind.

Cause lately...
I don't like the taste
nor the pace ...of life...
and before I can breathe
in comes more strife

My ulcer....doesn't appreciate
the rate by which my stress
accelerates
then my anxiety...
attacks me
forcing me to further
contemplate...
how I've begun to "verbally skate"
Over all the things that cause me pain
well ...at any rate...I strive to be sane

As I light Jasmine scented incense and
stand outside in the rain...
Nude...
under the First full moon
out in my back yard...
as my hot tears fall hard..
and trickle  down....over my breast
As I chant like its my last chance...
So the Ancestors come and visit me
then I begin to dance... with the
energy of the 7 African Powers...
I bet I stayed outside for hours...

Trying to seek Spirit for the answers
I fell into a trance...I witnessed
all my careless acts of debauchery
at a glance...
Now... here I stand...not feeling
worthy enough to demand...the enlightenment
that will MAKE me understand...
how Light moves in and out of us all...
and then ...as if frozen sometimes
it doesn't move at all...

Like it kinda gets stuck...
feels like my soul energy is in a rut
making me feel weighted down
to the ground...and not give a fuck
about trying....
sometimes I get so tired of trying
Because I swear as I live and breathe
I can feel the flesh of me dying
As I have been infected by those sinister
Baptist Ministers...who
make there money off of lying
as long as I drop a nickel
in the collection plate
I might as well be flying...
straight to Heaven...on the Hallelujah
chorus ....
cause if I'm not one of the $1000 members
then the Preacher will out right ignore us

So ... I digress...
and hope Jesus isn't mad
cause I'm not wearing my Sunday best
and its not that I'm no longer believing....
I just feel as if my spirit is grieving...
and the messages I've been sending Creator
seem to be getting deleted
which is why so many of my
inner sins get repeated
Now I realize....the courage it takes
to keep fighting...
even when your soul
feels like its been defeated.