deepundergroundpoetry.com
Grey World
Still frames of motion are pulsing and trying
Peering there way through
a stabbing assault
Pain so perfuse that you don’t know how you will move on in this gray world
Lessons learned in life
Force us to burn down bridges
Hold on for dear life
Before it all falls out of our hands and shatters our lives
seals our veins shut
Daunting these attempts to encase these ashes
Horrid contortions caressing with knives
Pent up aggression so tragic its holding you so tightly now
Take this all away
Torture
Treachery
Ignite my wings
Let me fall
slow decent
I feel nothing
empty
Empty as the ground that will soon entomb our devastation
tears fall like rain
Blood drips like a plauge from severed wrists of nearing fate
Suspended over fire
Skin splitting from bone
Basking in the screams of this delectable tragedy
With tears filling your eyes
As you watch it all melt away
Soon it will grow quiet
The light beneath me will consume the noise echoing in your head
And take this strain away from me
All I see is death in your eyes
Irises fractured
Cracks running down them
Even now
Is there nothing I can do for you
This life is tragic
Some times its madness
These embers sting me too
There’s some hope left
I’m grieving with you know
Easing the strain of Your labored breathing
My heart is frozen too
Your wings are broken
I severed my own long ago
Our flights been stolen
But ill walk beside you
This you know
Let this fall away
Before your lost
Cant find your way
At least I found you
Before its gotten
To the point of no return
graced by silence
Peering there way through
a stabbing assault
Pain so perfuse that you don’t know how you will move on in this gray world
Lessons learned in life
Force us to burn down bridges
Hold on for dear life
Before it all falls out of our hands and shatters our lives
seals our veins shut
Daunting these attempts to encase these ashes
Horrid contortions caressing with knives
Pent up aggression so tragic its holding you so tightly now
Take this all away
Torture
Treachery
Ignite my wings
Let me fall
slow decent
I feel nothing
empty
Empty as the ground that will soon entomb our devastation
tears fall like rain
Blood drips like a plauge from severed wrists of nearing fate
Suspended over fire
Skin splitting from bone
Basking in the screams of this delectable tragedy
With tears filling your eyes
As you watch it all melt away
Soon it will grow quiet
The light beneath me will consume the noise echoing in your head
And take this strain away from me
All I see is death in your eyes
Irises fractured
Cracks running down them
Even now
Is there nothing I can do for you
This life is tragic
Some times its madness
These embers sting me too
There’s some hope left
I’m grieving with you know
Easing the strain of Your labored breathing
My heart is frozen too
Your wings are broken
I severed my own long ago
Our flights been stolen
But ill walk beside you
This you know
Let this fall away
Before your lost
Cant find your way
At least I found you
Before its gotten
To the point of no return
graced by silence
Published 11th Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 697
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Sep 2012 12:40pm
11th Sep 2012 12:39pm
I hope you don't mind me copying and pasting to solve a few spelling & grammar issues:
Also, you do not really need a capital letter at the beginning of 9/10 of your lines.
will move on in this gray world (grey world?)
Horrid contortions caressing with knives (why the double space?)
slow decent (descent)
Blood drips like a plauge (plague)
Is there nothing I can do for you (question mark perhaps)
Some times its madness (it's)
I’m grieving with you know (now)
Easing the strain of Your labored breathing (your doesn't need a capital)
Our flights been stolen (flight's)
But ill walk beside you (I'll)
Before your lost (you're)
Before its gotten to the point of no return (it's - and before it reaches the point of no return would work better here I think. Gotten is an awkward word)
This is a good piece where imagery is concerned, and you get a strong sense of desperation and angst here. With a little tweaking it could be great.
Well done.
Also, you do not really need a capital letter at the beginning of 9/10 of your lines.
will move on in this gray world (grey world?)
Horrid contortions caressing with knives (why the double space?)
slow decent (descent)
Blood drips like a plauge (plague)
Is there nothing I can do for you (question mark perhaps)
Some times its madness (it's)
I’m grieving with you know (now)
Easing the strain of Your labored breathing (your doesn't need a capital)
Our flights been stolen (flight's)
But ill walk beside you (I'll)
Before your lost (you're)
Before its gotten to the point of no return (it's - and before it reaches the point of no return would work better here I think. Gotten is an awkward word)
This is a good piece where imagery is concerned, and you get a strong sense of desperation and angst here. With a little tweaking it could be great.
Well done.
11th Sep 2012 5:58pm
lol ya i have a couple issues to work out on the grammar thanks for pointing them out
13th Sep 2012 5:21am
not bad, as the other guy said, your grammar is off, but your story is good.
