waiting for the moment

feeling so alone no one relates to me
get a cold feeling whenever i talk to someone
almost like im not supposed to be social
but i am
how can i be torn yet get accepted
but they only see one side of me
as they say
"between each smile theres a tear in your eye"
truer words have never been spoken
yet im the only one who knows
keeping secrects from family and friends
i just wanted to prove to myself that they dont know me
friends or self serving people
riddicule me,hurt me physically and emotional
i sometimes wonder how much more my mental side can take
telling adults im being bullied is a dead end
they just turn a blind side to everything i say
but turn up as soon as i do something really bad
family is not any better
same thing happens i get hurt
parents dont care
but they up it they join in all this and its trapped within my head waiting to implode.