Lost

I've been reflecting a lot      
not writing much as i've felt      
the lost for words      
     
dishonesty and vanity      
are at the front of my mind      
I feel the need to fillet myself      
and my stars in the eyes ego I have      
     
let the blood flow down my finger tips      
through to the pen and onto the paper      
     
the truth is I drink too much      
the black hole of deception is that i'm trying to get sober      
I love being numb      
     
it fuels the never ending appetite of conceit      
that my daily decaying body      
is the beauty it once was      
     
I can't lie on this one front      
my heart longs for insanity when every thing      
was full of magic and I a goddess among women      
     
longing to taste the fruit on the vine      
my muse ripe with nectar      
has been withholding her full breasts from which I use to suckle      
     
I am left bereft in a reality in which I hate      
nothing but the mundane to feast from      
finding it ashy in my mouth      
     
as I drink another glass of whiskey and smoke another cigarette      
sinking into the warmth once again      
I realise it is all an illusion anyway      
     
if i'm to learn some thing I will      
some sort of wisdom sinking into my grey matter      
for now i'm content to reach for my vices      
     
creating a magical place of my own