deepundergroundpoetry.com
Poochie...........(to say I love you will never be enough)
"My eyes adored ya
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me
You couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far"
Ring, ring. "Hello"........so simple you know
A phone call comes in the night, hauntingly familiar
You hope everything is allright.
"Hey Cloud, you know who this is?
This is Tonya....."
I froze, my voice could not speak
My eyes began to well up with tears
Cried a river of waters upon cool satin sheets......
...........this can't be.
What a cruel twist of fate.
What "devil in hell" would play such a mean trick on me?
My precious "Poochie" was dead.
Twas but a dream, a night terror rolling around in my head
Wiping my eyes, I looked at the large green letters on the clock
A date that rang in infamy almost sent me into shock
"Today is her birthday"
That's it you see.......
........and it's also the day
that she was taken from me
......at her own hands.
She was a special child
She and I had a special bond
Some might have thought it inappropriate
We ignored the haters and time moved on
She truly was a prize
Smart, dedicated to success.......seemingly never to falter
I called her "Poochie"
She was closer to me than my own daughter.
Stories I could share
that would warm the coldest of hearts
She was beautiful, she was tough
and oh my God, she was so smart........
.......yet so vulnerable
she always tried to keep that locked deep inside
Away from everyone except me........
..........and then her momma' died
From that day forward,
I began to notice a change
She was still my "Poochie"
But she was never again the same
There evolved in her a "longing"
A darkening in her soul
Yes she kept on pushing on
Demons rising up inside began to take their toll.
In those times, my love for her
grew so much deeper
The light that shined so bright inside now dimming
I was willing go through hell to keep her.......
......safe from all harm
And my efforts worked for awhile
The struggles to graduate from college
That was one day in a very long time
that I saw my "Poochie" smile
Then my young engineer landed inside a great career
She met a wonderful man and for a moment it seemed clear that
my "Poochie" was healing; she was gonna' be allright
I remember she called me late one September night
"Cloud, I'm getting married. We'll be moving away.
I love you "Daddy"
I'm gonna' call you everyday......."
But as things go,
Days turned to months
Months turned to years
I thought of Poochie often
I fought against my fears
of something going wrong
and I would not be there........
........I just prayed that my baby would be allright
Now I'm left with the memory of a hot August night
Four years ago, today
My "Poochie" took her own life.......
.......and I wasn't even there to save her
To simply say "POOCHIE NO!!!
To wrap my big arms around my "daughter"
I would have taken that bullet if it meant saving her life;
saving her soul
.....and then a year later, fate would again have it's way
Her younger brother, Pat whom she loved more than life
died the next year......you guessed it
on that same August day.
Poochie, to say I loved you will never ever
seem like enough
I always wanted to be there for you when times were hard
and the path seemed mighty tough
My eyes adored you
like a proud papa on the first day
of his first child's birth,
perfect in everyway.....she captures her father's eye
You'll forever be my babygirl
and I will love you till the day I die.
"You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my daughter, you're my best friend
You're in my soul..........."
.........rest in peace, Poochie.
Across heaven's shores, I will see you smile again.
"(My eyes adored ya)
All my life I will remember
(Though I never laid a hand on you)
How warm and tender we were way back then, baby
(Like a million miles away from me
you couldn't see how I adored ya)
Oh, the feeling, sad regrets
(So close, so close and yet so far)
I know I won't ever forget ya......."
( To Tonya, forever and always *my* babygirl. I miss you )
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me
You couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far"
Ring, ring. "Hello"........so simple you know
A phone call comes in the night, hauntingly familiar
You hope everything is allright.
"Hey Cloud, you know who this is?
This is Tonya....."
I froze, my voice could not speak
My eyes began to well up with tears
Cried a river of waters upon cool satin sheets......
...........this can't be.
What a cruel twist of fate.
What "devil in hell" would play such a mean trick on me?
My precious "Poochie" was dead.
Twas but a dream, a night terror rolling around in my head
Wiping my eyes, I looked at the large green letters on the clock
A date that rang in infamy almost sent me into shock
"Today is her birthday"
That's it you see.......
........and it's also the day
that she was taken from me
......at her own hands.
She was a special child
She and I had a special bond
Some might have thought it inappropriate
We ignored the haters and time moved on
She truly was a prize
Smart, dedicated to success.......seemingly never to falter
I called her "Poochie"
She was closer to me than my own daughter.
Stories I could share
that would warm the coldest of hearts
She was beautiful, she was tough
and oh my God, she was so smart........
.......yet so vulnerable
she always tried to keep that locked deep inside
Away from everyone except me........
..........and then her momma' died
From that day forward,
I began to notice a change
She was still my "Poochie"
But she was never again the same
There evolved in her a "longing"
A darkening in her soul
Yes she kept on pushing on
Demons rising up inside began to take their toll.
In those times, my love for her
grew so much deeper
The light that shined so bright inside now dimming
I was willing go through hell to keep her.......
......safe from all harm
And my efforts worked for awhile
The struggles to graduate from college
That was one day in a very long time
that I saw my "Poochie" smile
Then my young engineer landed inside a great career
She met a wonderful man and for a moment it seemed clear that
my "Poochie" was healing; she was gonna' be allright
I remember she called me late one September night
"Cloud, I'm getting married. We'll be moving away.
I love you "Daddy"
I'm gonna' call you everyday......."
But as things go,
Days turned to months
Months turned to years
I thought of Poochie often
I fought against my fears
of something going wrong
and I would not be there........
........I just prayed that my baby would be allright
Now I'm left with the memory of a hot August night
Four years ago, today
My "Poochie" took her own life.......
.......and I wasn't even there to save her
To simply say "POOCHIE NO!!!
To wrap my big arms around my "daughter"
I would have taken that bullet if it meant saving her life;
saving her soul
.....and then a year later, fate would again have it's way
Her younger brother, Pat whom she loved more than life
died the next year......you guessed it
on that same August day.
Poochie, to say I loved you will never ever
seem like enough
I always wanted to be there for you when times were hard
and the path seemed mighty tough
My eyes adored you
like a proud papa on the first day
of his first child's birth,
perfect in everyway.....she captures her father's eye
You'll forever be my babygirl
and I will love you till the day I die.
"You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should I grow old
You are my daughter, you're my best friend
You're in my soul..........."
.........rest in peace, Poochie.
Across heaven's shores, I will see you smile again.
"(My eyes adored ya)
All my life I will remember
(Though I never laid a hand on you)
How warm and tender we were way back then, baby
(Like a million miles away from me
you couldn't see how I adored ya)
Oh, the feeling, sad regrets
(So close, so close and yet so far)
I know I won't ever forget ya......."
( To Tonya, forever and always *my* babygirl. I miss you )
Published 22nd Aug 2012
| Edited 23rd Aug 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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22nd Aug 2012 3:04pm
This tugs at the heart strings big time. Love the Rod Stewart/Frankie Valli references.
One of my all-time favorites here!
One of my all-time favorites here!
Thanks Jazz. Today is really kind of hard. I really woke from a dream and clear as right now, I heard her voice.....haven't heard it in such a long time in my mind. I've cried enough this morning; I don't have any tears left. This is one of those times I wish this were fiction but sadly, it isn't. She was a student of mine from my earlier days as an educator....in the years that followed, she (as well as some of my other most bright and brilliant students) became so much more. As she would tell everyone, "Cloud" is my daddy and she was like a daughter to me in every way she could be. We were that close. She was a gifted clarinetist, brilliant young mathematician and a beautiful, vibrant, seemingly strong african american young lady who struggled to fit into a very technical career that most young black women are not allowed inside the doors. She was a trailblazer in her own right.
I have wonderful memories of Ms. Tonya Moore, (that's her name) but the circumstances surrounding her death will always haunt me. She had been dead exactly two years before I heard about it from a mutual friend who told me at a reunion function and "thought I knew about it already". I am inclined to remind everyone i know to always keep those that you love close to you if you can because you never know..........
I feel such a deep guilt and as irrational as it may seem, I believe in my heart had she talked to me in those hours before, had we spoken before things had gotten so bad - I just want to believe that I could have kept her alive. I wanna' believe that I could have touched something inside her that would have made her want to live......but it didn't work out that way. : (
Thanks for the comments my friend.
I have wonderful memories of Ms. Tonya Moore, (that's her name) but the circumstances surrounding her death will always haunt me. She had been dead exactly two years before I heard about it from a mutual friend who told me at a reunion function and "thought I knew about it already". I am inclined to remind everyone i know to always keep those that you love close to you if you can because you never know..........
I feel such a deep guilt and as irrational as it may seem, I believe in my heart had she talked to me in those hours before, had we spoken before things had gotten so bad - I just want to believe that I could have kept her alive. I wanna' believe that I could have touched something inside her that would have made her want to live......but it didn't work out that way. : (
Thanks for the comments my friend.
This touched me in a way that not many things have the ability to....but because my Mother committed suicide ... I can really relate.
My heart goes out to you Archie,and I hope and pray that peace in spirit heart mind and soul be yours as you reflect on this shining stars life.
Fire.
My heart goes out to you Archie,and I hope and pray that peace in spirit heart mind and soul be yours as you reflect on this shining stars life.
Fire.
22nd Aug 2012 9:01pm
22nd Aug 2012 11:03pm
