I told you I would never regret anything when we met

I never hated you
I still don't
I don't think I ever will
Although honestly I want to
I want to hate you for making me love you
I want to hate u for making me cry for three days straight
I want to hate you for letting me believe u were a nice guy
I want to hate you for breaking my trust and sending pictures of my dick, yes MY Dick to others
I want to hate you for being who you hang with
But mostly I want to hate you because I already forgive you
And I really mean that
I forgive you
But this fantasy you have of us getting back together will not come true
I told you the one thing I would never get back with you for was this
And now it's time to man up
It's time to stop running away from you're problems
If you really go through with killing yourself you are a selfish prick
You're friends and family love you
And I swear to fucking goddess if you say I don't love you anymore I will send josh to smear the pavement with blood where you stand
I'm not a heartless bitch and you know that
I know you do
I know you do because you know everything about me
I gave you every single tainted piece of me
Yes I cheated first
Yes I waited to admit it after I broke up with you last time
But damnit this is so different
We only dated a week then
I didn't want to let myself love or be loved
I told you I didn't deserve you because I felt like a whore
But you convinced me it was ok
I was forgiven
You let me fall in love
You filed my head with lies
Then you fuck me
Then I wake up naked in tears because I have a dream you cheated
You fell back asleep
So because it was all I could think about
I had to read you're messages
I had to know
You can't lie to a wiccan j
I told you that
I guess you didn't believe me
But what I still don't understand...
Is that you did it for revenge
After all that time...
If it really was only one girl
Y did you wait untill this week
Why now?
This special week
The week everthing was going to change for the better
I guess it did change after all
But now
After every thing
I can't trust you anymore
I can't trust my best friend..
My lover..
My Ash...
I was you're misty....
But this isn't Pokemon
This isn't a video game
You can't turn off the game and flip restart
You can't start over from a check point
This is the real world
I'm a real girl
And my name is Courtney
And the pain in my heart has never been so real
I've never been so hurt..
So..
Betrayed
Not even by my father
Not even by my bitch of a mother
Not even by lazlo
Not even by the sixxx
But j
I want you to know this
I don't regret anything
I not only found the strength to love another
But also found the strength to love myself again
And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that
But now that I can love myself...
I have to walk away
I deserve better
And so do you
you can beat yourself up all you want
You can hate yourself with every fiber of your being and be miserable
Or you can forgive yourself
Like I have
Lifes to Short to live with regret
If you learned anything from me...
I hope that's it
Don't live in the past j
Don't do what I did
Instead of regret
Learn from the experience
The next beautiful young lady you meet
Let her know how much you love her
Call her every day just to say hi
Everytime you see her tell her she's beautiful even if she looks like shit
And never lie
Never cheat
And not for one second take her for granted
Because you are a good man
You just need to open you're eyes
It's time to grow up
It's time to be the man we both know you can be
And it's time to stop being selfish
Don't you dare drive goddess knows where just to run away
Don't you dare consider suicide for one second over one bitch
Yes I'm talking about me
And don't you dare regret anything you did while we where together cause I don't
Go to collage
Go to the doctor
And go find that perfect girl you would never consider cheating on
Cause hun, trust me she's out there
The bitch in me wants to tell you to get the fuck off my poetry site
But the poet in me hopes you don't
Because I've learned so much here
I've read life changing poems on here and I hope you do to
Because of this site I wrote a poem that is getting published this month
I'm getting published
A dream come fucking true
So I ask you to follow your dreams like I did
And I know you can make them come true if you just get off your ass and do something about them
You're gonna find someone amazing one day
I know it doesn't feel like it yet
But j trust me you will
Because you're an amazing person
And you can't let the past, or regret stop you from it
So j I guess this is all I have left to say
And I won't forget about you like I said I would
I couldn't if I tried
so don't forget about me
But instead
Learn from me
Learn from what I'm saying
and learn from the death of our relationship
So you can be reborn wiser, stronger, and honest
Because you know as well as I you can do it if you just try
There's a goddess/god in all of us
You just have to look inside yourself
And when you find him
He will tell you lifes to short to regret anything