Tiny Dancer

Sorrowful and beautiful Rachel. Wonderful expression and write.

Thank you so much Magdalena. Truly appreciated.
XxXx

Very touching Rachel.

Full circle....

Strider :)

Strider, thank you so much for your kind words. Truly appreciated.
XxXx

Rachel.

Touching poem, built on past memories and present happenings. I loved the way you used description.
plus the way the silver brushes and the mimicking  done full circle from generation to generation.

loved it all. shine on!

Eamonn, I hope you know how much I value your opinion.
I don't ever think it's good unless you say so. :)

I am extremely flattered that you like it.

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your kind words.

XxXx

Rachel I love this but I have a question, first stanza cheap whine or cheap wine?


Red

Ahh, Miss Red, thank you so much for your Eagle eye. If only my spell checker would pick up on the context of the word, instead of just the spelling.

Thank you for stopping by and your kind words.

XxXx

Mothers and daughters, I've watched in amazement. Very nice.

Yes, there is nothing like that bond of mother and daughter.

I am pleased you stopped by with your kind words, thank you.

You're most welcome.

What speaks to me with your wriring is the depth of emotion and character you build and share in each piece. You are a storyteller and you fascinate; sating yet leaving a want of more.

You inspire me. Beautiful visual of pained youth breaking the cycle and creating memories of sweet.

Wow Ken, I am not sure I deserve such a worthy compliment, but I definitely thank you for it. I am extremely touched by your words.

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful comment.

XxXx

Brilliant poetry.
A beautifully written poem which flows so well that it seems easy to write.  This is usually the hallmark of a truly gifted poet, which I believe you are.
Thank you for a wonderful read.
Kitty

Kitty,

Thank you for saying that. I wish it was as easy for me to write as you say it looks. Maybe with time.

Your kind words mean a lot to me and I thank you greatly.

XxXx

Very beautiful and touching. Good way of telling the magic of the music box in a poem.

Levi, always good to see you. Thank you so much for your kind compliment. I truly appreciate it.

XxXx

very well writen, great insight i could image it
thank you for sharing

Thank you so much for your kind words Bradley. They mean a lot.

A deeply moving and absolutely beautiful poem, well done Rachel-Peace, Miki

Thank you Miki. That means a lot to me. Hope you are feeling well, or will be soon.

(hugs) XxXx

rachel

straight down to business.:]

'just before dawn
i would wake [personal preference. would for 'd.
deboning not mandatory]
to the smell of cheap wine
stale cigarettes and
jasmine scented perfume [have got rid of the cap]
 
mother solemnly swayed
at her vanity humming
as she combed her long blonde hair [removed the punctuation here too!]
 
to the right of her silver brushes  
stood a piano shaped music box
cedar made

her grandmother gave her  [separated it for emphasis]
 
inside was a tiny dancer
dressed like a pink ballerina
with the finest silk

she twirled [ditto. more power. just me.]
 
each morning she would play the song
Beethoven's sweet soft Love Story [caps here are way more justified than jasmine imo.:] ]
with sad eyes and a half smile
 
i would stand beside her chair
mimic all her movements
and hear the dainty song
whisper away her tears
 
years have passed since those days
time has weathered the case
once coral silk now peach
from yellow nicotine [perfect!]
  
it stopped working two years ago
[she] stopped working two years ago [a tweak may be. not sure.]
together, she took her last breath
while it played its very last note [apostrophe not needed here.]
and twirled its last full circle [apostrophe again. twirl can be replaced.]
 
now it sits on my own vanity
to the right of her silver brushes [her is not specific enough.]
where my own daughter mimics me [a ton of bricks. bravo]
 
today she picked up the box
opened to view
the tiny dancer
listened[to it] in wonder [listen is followed by 'to. ]
as she danced and played
 
once again'  [yess. completion of a cycle.]

thank you for the read. subtle and insightful, this poem
will stay with me for some time.

happy writing,

sumeet  

Wow Sumeet. I have missed you and your wonderful feed back.

I appreciate you very much.

I will go though and make appropriate changes.

Thank you so much for taking the time that you did.

XxXx

rachel

well, that's one fine edit i see now.
almost after light years i am seeing
pirouette being used in a poem.  

works quite well now, i must say.

keep it at poetess. flow. pour. more.

x

sumeet