deepundergroundpoetry.com
Damn near
Due south
and then some
finally making sense
again
no profound
sounding words
or cool calculations
to dilude
these feelings
these feelings
that damn near wilted
with the wall flowers
These
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile
Can't quite pull the wool
enough for unicorn bliss
but
the wallowing in shit
is starting to stink
and then some
finally making sense
again
no profound
sounding words
or cool calculations
to dilude
these feelings
these feelings
that damn near wilted
with the wall flowers
These
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile
Can't quite pull the wool
enough for unicorn bliss
but
the wallowing in shit
is starting to stink
Published 31st Jul 2012
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likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 16
reads 875
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
"These
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile" - that is so freaking adorable. (meaning, i really liked that image. a lot. :)
i think you could have ended on a little stronger (or maybe lighter?) last line, but totally enjoyed either way. [:
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile" - that is so freaking adorable. (meaning, i really liked that image. a lot. :)
i think you could have ended on a little stronger (or maybe lighter?) last line, but totally enjoyed either way. [:
31st Jul 2012 5:07pm
Thanks jesta..really struggled with the adorability of this piece as a whole..too damn cute I thought,but forced myself to leave it..opening up comfort zone an such...ill consider the unlightness of last line,prob was a defense from too cute
31st Jul 2012 5:31pm
i totally disagree on 'too cute'. i am a fan of this ditty, and believe me, i know 'too cute'... this isn't it. [:
31st Jul 2012 2:05pm
I disagree with Jess, I LOVED the last stanza. I love "The wallowing in shit/is starting to stink". That was great! Good work :)
31st Jul 2012 5:09pm
31st Jul 2012 6:04pm
I love this, all of it. Fourth stanza, something about that description of "smiling against the grain"... made me smile as well. This is one for the list, lightbaron.
31st Jul 2012 6:33pm
Sweet..much appreciated sthoughts..like that line, smiling against the grain
31st Jul 2012 8:46pm
31st Jul 2012 9:27pm
Dig it..thanks fred...shows my instincts are shit,this one I was bout to pull plug on, glad its working for some folks
1st Aug 2012 00:58am
Very nice poem dude.
"These
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile"
Awesome lines there. Keep it up.
"These
not yet dancing
but
toe tapped feelings
that bully a smirk
into a smile"
Awesome lines there. Keep it up.
1st Aug 2012 1:05am
1st Aug 2012 1:10am
1st Aug 2012 3:15am
I really like your style. It's like Bukowski but a thousand times more meaningful.
1st Aug 2012 3:18am
1st Aug 2012 5:49am
1st Aug 2012 5:59am
